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Posts Tagged ‘Alex Salmond’

Independent Scotland would keep England, says Alex Salmond

Scottish Nationalist Party leader Alex Salmond has pledged that along with Sterling and the Queen, an independent Scotland would keep England.

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Posted: Nov 28th, 2013
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Salmond stonewalls Hadrian queries

Amid fears that MPs are gerrymandering the Independence Referendum, stonemasons have begun restoration work to Hadrian’s Wall. As one concerned voter said: ‘They’re lumping us Scots together with the most undesirable parts of England. Who’s even heard of Dudley?’

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Posted: Oct 22nd, 2013
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Absence of Fergie’s wrath ‘may lead to global cooling, possibly new ice age’

Climatologists across the globe have expressed concern that the retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson will result in temperatures being lowered across the planet. The impact of no-hairdrying on match days and the elimination of daily assaults against the BBC is expected to reduce temperatures by around 15 degrees Celsius and may lead to icebergs forming in the Red Sea.

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Posted: May 10th, 2013
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Regional tension increased by North Britain

no-one really knows what he's up toThe enigmatic leader of North Britain Ai-Lix Sal-Mon has increased diplomatic pressure in the region as he threatens to break all diplomatic relations with the South of the Island.

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Posted: Apr 9th, 2013
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Victorious Andy Murray now ‘on course’ to become TV pundit

US Open tennis champion Andy Murray is reported to be overjoyed after his first grand slam victory virtually guaranteed him a career discussing how good or bad other people are at tennis on a major terrestrial TV network.

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Posted: Sep 16th, 2012
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