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Posts Tagged ‘Alistair Darling’

Relieved Scottish voters finally able to get referendum campaigners to shut up

Och aye the no!After months of harassment, voters in Scotland are finally going to the polls in a last-ditch attempt to get the Yes and No campaigns to shut up and bugger off.

As the polls open after an increasingly ill-tempered campaign, the sense of relief among ordinary Scots is palpable. ‘I’m just glad it’s all over and I can get mah country back,’ said a tearful voter in Anstruther.’When I was growing up nobody gave a dram o’Dundee piss about politics. Now it’s all Yes this, No Thanks that, whose oil is it the other. That’s why I’m voting ‘feck off, ye boring gobshites’.’

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Posted: Sep 17th, 2014
More from Politics



UK starts advertising for Scotland’s replacement

Your place or mine? Actually, mine.In the aftermath of Alex Salmond shouting Alistair Darling into submission, the remaining parts of the British Isles have resigned themselves to the fact that its time ‘to move on’ and start seeing other countries.

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Posted: Aug 26th, 2014
More from UK News



Second Salmond-Darling debate to be decided by bake-off

In a bid to make the forthcoming debate between Alex Salmond and Alistair Darling more interesting to viewers outside Scotland, the BBC has announced that the debate over the pros and cons of Scottish independence will incorporate a bake-off.

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Posted: Aug 16th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Independent Scotland would keep England, says Alex Salmond

Scottish Nationalist Party leader Alex Salmond has pledged that along with Sterling and the Queen, an independent Scotland would keep England.

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Posted: Nov 28th, 2013
More from News In Brief



‘Gordon Brown drew a willy on my book when he was 8,’ reveals new memoir

was also bombarded with rubbers, pencil sharpeners and heavy Trotsky‘My back was only turned for a few seconds,’ says Alec Dunning in his autobiography “Back from the Nit Nurse”, ‘but when I looked at my maths book someone had drawn a big hairy knob on the front cover. Gordon was trying to look all innocent, but I knew it was him.’

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Posted: Sep 12th, 2011
More from Politics