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Posts Tagged ‘Alistair Darling’

Fury at Treasury plans for windfall tax on déjà vu

Consumer groups have reacted furiously to a leaked Treasury email suggesting that Alistair Darling will include a windfall tax on déjà vu in his Budget today, in a move designed to raise £3.5 billion without alienating younger voters. ‘The sight of Hoon, Hewitt and Byers promising access for cash has led to a huge rise [...]

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Posted: Mar 24th, 2010
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Waitrose expands Essentials range for hard-up bankers

Supermarket Waitrose has extended its range of ‘Essentials’ food, to include several expensive products, such as foie gras, bluefin tuna, kobe beef, fugi and lobster, which had previously been beyond the means of bonus-less hedge fund managers and venture capitalists.

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2010
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Bonfire Night at the Treasury ‘could go on for months’

Bonfire Night at the TreasuryThe bonfire set up at the UK treasury to celebrate Guy Fawkes night could burn for weeks if not months, insiders have revealed. The party, held in the basement, is a traditionally festive occasion with lots of Punch and Judy going on and massive fireworks when Gordon Brown gets told he can’t have another sparkler.

‘It’s wonderful isn’t it,’ said Chancellor Alistair Darling, basking in the warm glow of the fire, ‘we’ve been scooping up lots and lots of cash in preparation and were supposed to burn it all in one go. Then Mervyn turns up with another £25 billion in hundreds of wheelbarrows and now it’ll probably keep going till Christmas.’

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Posted: Nov 5th, 2009
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Darling set to unveil ‘something will turn up’ fiscal policy

In a radical move to outwit the Tories, Alistair Darling has declared that Labour will not after all be considering any cuts in public expenditure. ‘Instead, I’m increasing expenditure by buying a bucket of sand to put my head in,’ he said in a pre-budget statement.

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2009
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MPs’ parents ‘dreading the summer holidays’

October 'can't come too soon'‘It’s absurd that they get so long off,’ said Alan Duncan’s father.

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Posted: Jul 24th, 2009
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