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Posts Tagged ‘Alistair Darling’

Waitrose expands Essentials range for hard-up bankers

Supermarket Waitrose has extended its range of ‘Essentials’ food, to include several expensive products, such as foie gras, bluefin tuna, kobe beef, fugi and lobster, which had previously been beyond the means of bonus-less hedge fund managers and venture capitalists.

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2010
More from News In Brief



Bonfire Night at the Treasury ‘could go on for months’

Bonfire Night at the TreasuryThe bonfire set up at the UK treasury to celebrate Guy Fawkes night could burn for weeks if not months, insiders have revealed. The party, held in the basement, is a traditionally festive occasion with lots of Punch and Judy going on and massive fireworks when Gordon Brown gets told he can’t have another sparkler.

‘It’s wonderful isn’t it,’ said Chancellor Alistair Darling, basking in the warm glow of the fire, ‘we’ve been scooping up lots and lots of cash in preparation and were supposed to burn it all in one go. Then Mervyn turns up with another £25 billion in hundreds of wheelbarrows and now it’ll probably keep going till Christmas.’

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Posted: Nov 5th, 2009
More from Business



Darling set to unveil ‘something will turn up’ fiscal policy

In a radical move to outwit the Tories, Alistair Darling has declared that Labour will not after all be considering any cuts in public expenditure. ‘Instead, I’m increasing expenditure by buying a bucket of sand to put my head in,’ he said in a pre-budget statement.

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2009
More from News In Brief



MPs’ parents ‘dreading the summer holidays’

October 'can't come too soon'‘It’s absurd that they get so long off,’ said Alan Duncan’s father.

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Posted: Jul 24th, 2009
More from Politics



British Government to be outsourced to Tesco

House of Commons to become Tesco Metro‘As from next week, all MPs will be equipped with cheap but practical Tesco uniforms including name badges and non-cabinet members will be put on the minimum wage with the opportunity to increase their salary if they participate in management training schemes.’

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Posted: Apr 23rd, 2009
More from Politics