NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘Andrew Lansley’

NHS to become online-only

Health Minister Jeremy Hunt has calculated that the NHS could save billions if it operated as a computer model, like the Matrix, instead of as a real-world service trying to treat sick people in 3D.

‘What we’re seeing is errors, cock-ups really,’ said Hunt. ‘And they’re costing the NHS billions. We contemplated a poster campaign saying something like ‘Stop Making Mistakes, You Muppets’, but then somebody pointed out that posters with patronising messages would just make people hate me even more. And what good did a poster ever do, really? It’s a stupid idea. Probably one of Andrew Lansley’s, actually.

Read more >

Posted: Oct 18th, 2014
More from Health



‘Olympic style dancing on NHS beds must stop’ insist top doctors

Following the success of the Olympic opening ceremony, top NHS doctors are now asking patients, especially those with multiple fractures, to refrain from energetic dancing on their beds at all hours of the day and night.

Read more >

Posted: Aug 30th, 2012
More from News In Brief



Lego launches new Coalition Cabinet minifigures range

The new Lego characters include ‘Culture Secretary Dude’, sporting a large Sky satellite dish on his head feeding directly into an earpiece.

Read more >

Posted: Aug 8th, 2012
More from Politics



McDonald’s to sponsor NHS says Andrew Lansley

‘A Big Mac injection might be all some sick people need to get them on their feet.’

Read more >

Posted: Aug 6th, 2012
More from News In Brief



David Cameron appoints new head of strategy, Englebert Humperdinck

first job is a Strategy for Europe‘My first task is help sex up Mr Cameron’s image,’ explained the septuagenarian pop sensation. ‘To appeal to that all-important female demographic, David is growing a nice pair of mutton chop side burns.’

Read more >

Posted: Mar 5th, 2012
More from Politics