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NHS reforms to be allowed to ‘die with dignity’
David Cameron has confirmed that the government’s NHS bill will have its life ended by politician-assisted suicide. [read...]
Tagged Andrew Lansley
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NHS to be rebranded as ‘Britain’s Got Illness’
‘Patients seeking treatment will see healthcare professionals, sitting behind a desk with a buzzer’. [read...]
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David Cameron appoints new head of strategy, Englebert Humperdinck
‘My first task is help sex up Mr Cameron’s image,’ explained the septuagenarian pop sensation. ‘To appeal to that all-important female demographic, David is growing a nice pair of mutton chop side burns.’ [read...]
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NHS to become online-only
Health Minister Jeremy Hunt has calculated that the NHS could save billions if it operated as a computer model, like the Matrix, instead of as a real-world service trying to treat sick people in 3D. [read...]
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‘Olympic style dancing on NHS beds must stop’ insist top doctors
Following the success of the Olympic opening ceremony, top NHS doctors are now asking patients, especially those with multiple fractures, to refrain from energetic dancing on their beds at all hours of the day and night. [read...]