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Posts Tagged ‘Android’

Every fucking fucker now has an iPhone, researchers claim

Far from being the elite and expensive techno-fashion device that many have derided it for, the Apple iPhone has now reached such mass penetration of the market that every fucking fucker now seems to own one, or at least that’s what researchers from the Institute of Mobile Statistics are now claiming.

‘We noticed something not quite right with published sales figures’, Andy Dawson from the IMS explained at the press conference, ‘ according to our figures Apple’s share of the market was going down compared to Android, but that didn’t tally with our real-world experiences where it seemed almost every fucking fucker has an iPhone. So we commissioned a survey of usage habits.’

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Posted: Nov 1st, 2015
More from Science/Technology

Tim Cook: Proud to be gay, not proud of iTunes

'discrimination against Windows is wrong!'Apple’s CEO has given his support to alternate sexualities but refused to endorse any music player that refuses to sync with other devices. A spokesman for the global corporation admitted: ‘We need to be tolerant of all MP3 players regardless of brand. As a market leader we need to be more accepting of others – even if Windows Media Player is a crime against nature’.

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2014
More from Science/Technology

New app offers manly friendship that stops you mid-sentence with glib advice

there's a prat for that!The new Glib Advisor, currently available on Android but coming to the iPhone soon, will offer manly friendship to isolated men on the go.

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Posted: May 19th, 2014
More from From The Archives

Chancellor now understands ‘why we cry’

surely just a pilot project which shouldn't be allowed outside NewhamScientists today expressed excitement that the pioneering android Chancellor, Gideon11, may have for the first time experienced something equivalent to human emotion.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2013
More from Politics

Apple launch new ‘iChing’ fortune-telling device

After taking the world by storm with the iPod, iPhone and iPad, Apple are set to revolutionise the way we live once again with the release of their new divination device, the iChing. Based on the classic Chinese book of changes that dates back to the second or third millennium BC, the iChing enables anyone with sufficient disposable income to obtain guidance on their future, while showing off to people around them.

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Posted: Jan 29th, 2012
More from News In Brief