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Chancellor now understands ‘why we cry’
Scientists today expressed excitement that the pioneering android Chancellor, Gideon11, may have for the first time experienced something equivalent to human emotion. [read...]
Tagged Android
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Dacre’s replacement to be android with super-racist AI
Paul Dacre’s replacement as Daily Mail editor is to genetically engineered super-racist android, it has emerged. Named Adbensi, the android has a state-of-the-art AI software chip based on the collective philosophies of Hitler and Mussolini with just a smidge of Simon Cowell’s control-freakery melded in, [read...]
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Vatican demands all robots be programmed as Catholic
Vatican officials have demanded that all ‘intelligent’ machines should be practising Catholics in full communion with the Holy See of Rome. Pope Francis is shortly expected to reveal significant doctrinal changes, emphasising that the Lord also created humanoid robots in His own image. [read...]
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Every fucking fucker now has an iPhone, researchers claim
Far from being the elite and expensive techno-fashion device that many have derided it for, the Apple iPhone has now reached such mass penetration of the market that every fucking fucker now seems to own one, [read...]
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Tim Cook: Proud to be gay, not proud of iTunes
Apple’s CEO has given his support to alternate sexualities but refused to endorse any music player that refuses to sync with other devices. A spokesman for the global corporation admitted: ‘We need to be tolerant of all MP3 players regardless of brand. [read...]