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Posts Tagged ‘Andy Coulson’

Cameron to give Satan ‘second chance’ as No.10 press secretary

important to have connectionsPrime Minister David Cameron has today denied accusations of poor judgement after confirming that he has appointed Satan, former overseer of hell, as his new director of communications in Downing Street.

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2014
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Queen demands pay rise as Rebekah Brooks trial ‘cost more than the Royal Family’

Following the revelation that the Rebekah Brooks trial cost £100m, compared with the £36m cost of the entire Royal Family, Her Majesty has today said that, ‘on the grounds of parity, we have submitted a demand for a pay rise, and we have decided to take industrial action forthwith in support of our claim’.

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Posted: Jun 27th, 2014
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Brooks cleared of ‘ever having been married to Ross Kemp’

In what is being seen as a complete character vindication, Rebekah Brooks was today cleared by the High Court of all allegations of marriage to a ‘soft-shite mockney’.

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Posted: Jun 24th, 2014
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Churchill to take up role as new press watchdog

small print on page 34 will probably show you didn't have adequate cover‘I met him this morning to ask whether he supported a tougher form of self-regulation of the press with a robust statutory underpinning, and he nodded his head and said ‘Oooh yes’.’

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Posted: Nov 11th, 2013
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Phone hacking trial indirectly caused wine shortage

‘Our client wishes to maintain her innocence – and an alcoholic stupor,’ said Rebekah Brooks’s counsel. ‘A few bottles of a nice claret for medicinal purposes can give anyone the Dutch courage to ignore all ethical boundaries, urinate behind the butchers in Chipping Norton High Street and marry Ross Kemp.’

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Posted: Nov 2nd, 2013
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