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Somalia laments another year of Wimbledon frustration
‘It’s difficult when the only two tennis courts in Somalia are given over to grazing cattle.’ [read...]
Tagged Andy Murray
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Wimbledon introduce ‘Vanishing Foam’ to keep crowds a safe distance from Sir Cliff Richard
Inspired by the World Cup in Brazil, officials at Wimbledon have announced that they will now be able to keep tennis fans heading to SW19 this week a ‘safe distance’ from entertainer and Centre Court regular Sir Cliff Richard, [read...]
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Murray to receive 2017 SPOTY Award wearing soiled pyjamas
Bored tennis star Andy Murray has announced his intention to receive his next 2017 Sports ‘Personality’ of the Year award at a landfill site or possibly a toxic waste reprocessing facility, in the vain hope that BBC viewers will eventually stop choosing him. [read...]
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Tennis fans welcome vuvuzelas at Wimbledon
‘Players and fans alike will delight in the addition of the South African horns to the spectator stands, playing such rousing anthems as The Great Escape, Self-Preservation Society and Haydn’s Trumpet Concerto in E flat major.’ [read...]
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Overworked Honorary Doctor Andy Murray in 48-hour strike
A desperate and exhausted looking Andy Murray has seized the opportunity to strike from all Tennis & Fatherly duties; protesting a night-shift of ‘shitty nappies, chafed nipples and no squash breaks’. Armed with his Doctorate from the University of Stirling, [read...]