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Posts Tagged ‘Angela Merkel’

France surrenders ‘just in case’

Despite not being under any kind of threat, the French Government surrendered today.

‘It was all this talk of 1914, I suppose’, said one minister.

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Posted: Mar 1st, 2014
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People with Teutonic surnames urged to stay away from ski resorts

Gott im HimmelWith the recent spate of accidents involving German nationals, ski resort officials and safety experts are urging anyone with a Teutonic sounding surname to stay off the slopes.

‘Whether your name is Schmidt, Weiss, Kruft, Jaeger or Heinemann you may be in particular danger,’ said safety official, Klaus Von Gruber at a press conference in the resort of St Moritz today. ‘As a precaution we are urging you to keep away from the Alps or other snow-capped regions around the world.’

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Posted: Jan 6th, 2014
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Catholic Church makes early withdrawal from contraception forum

European leaders have failed to reach agreement on a forum at contraception in the Dutch Capital, Den Haag. The event had a mixed reception from the start and was overshadowed by the Vatican representative’s withdrawal just before the climax, uttering a hurried ‘Sorry, I have to shoot’.

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2013
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G20 summit stalls as Putin jinxes Obama

The G20 summit and the vital discussion on Syria suffered a major setback today as President Putin successfully jinxed Obama, after they had inadvertently said the word ‘bomb’ at the same time. Putin who was due to make a speech on his opposition to intervention in Syria, instead laughed at Obama and refused to release him from the jinx.

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Posted: Sep 6th, 2013
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Merkel imposes lederhosen bailout condition on failing economies

Germany’s Chancellor Angela Merkel will demand that in future countries like Cyprus that need Germany’s financial help must agree to wear lederhosen as evidence of their resolve to reform their faltering economies.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2013
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