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Posts Tagged ‘Apple’

Tim Cook: Proud to be gay, not proud of iTunes

'discrimination against Windows is wrong!'Apple’s CEO has given his support to alternate sexualities but refused to endorse any music player that refuses to sync with other devices. A spokesman for the global corporation admitted: ‘We need to be tolerant of all MP3 players regardless of brand. As a market leader we need to be more accepting of others – even if Windows Media Player is a crime against nature’.

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2014
More from Science/Technology



Apple solves iPhone bend problem with launch of the ‘iArse’

Following the surprising news that putting your iPhone in your back pocket and sitting on it for a few hours can cause damage, Apple today launched what it believes will be the perfect solution; a prosthetic arse which keeps the phone straight and rigid under even the most challenging of chair-related conditions.

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Posted: Oct 9th, 2014
More from News In Brief



iPhone5s buyers directed straight to queue for iPhone6

Queuing for Jobs‘The new iPhone 5S isn’t just the greatest smartphone of all time. It’s also your ticket to get first in line for the new iPhone 6,’ said store manager Damian Walsh

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Posted: Sep 28th, 2014
More from From The Archives



Cameron to base next election around iTunes

‘Ten years ago, the only way to obtain a legitimate copy of a song you had to buy the whole CD. Now, you just download the songs you want and ignore the rest. We’re going to do this with policy too. Why elect a manifesto that has bugger all to do with you?’

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Posted: Sep 22nd, 2014
More from News In Brief



State of emergency declared after the e-Bono virus hits Britain

An urgent public health warning has today been issued after a dangerous virus that was supposed to be someone else’s problem arrived on Great Britain’s shores last night, having entered the country via a consignment of infected Apple devices. The virus is said to have already reached epidemic status.

The BBC have reacted by broadcasting public service messages giving information on how to delete the ‘e-Bono virus’ from infected phones and iPods, though nothing can be done about alleviating the early-onset symptoms, which include ear infections, drowsiness, and ‘ranting about Bono’s wrap-around specs’.

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Posted: Sep 13th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment