NewsBiscuit

Phil Brown, manager of struggling Hull City, is considering using suicide strikers in the club’s forthcoming fixture at home to Arsenal. ‘We beat them last season,’ said Brown, ‘but to be honest we were lucky. They say they’re tired from too many matches, but they could field their reserve side and still beat us.’

‘We’ve got lads who would die for Hull City,’ said Brown. ‘So I propose to take advantage of that loyalty. The first time we get a free kick within striking range, we put one of the lads in their defensive wall, and ‘kaboom!’

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Posted: Mar 13th, 2010
More from Sport

There was a day of frenzied activity in the Barclays Premiership yesterday as footballers rushed to beat the 6.00pm cut off for transferring girlfriends, wives and mistresses. Tottenham central defender Karl Nyarko has snapped up much-sought-after glamour model Haylee Ashby from Sunderland striker Phil Letch for an undisclosed fee; Lapdancer Debbie Francis has moved from Portsmouth defender Chris Bevan to Aston Villa midfielder Kelvin Legg for £250,000 from a tabloid newspaper. Highly rated hairdresser Laura Blakely has joined Arsenal’s Croatian midfielder Ivano Vokker on a six month loan after previous trials with players from Everton, Fulham and Scunthorpe.

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Posted: Feb 3rd, 2010
More from Sport

Neanderthal leaders today told a hurriedly called press conference that there are ‘clear and obvious differences’ between Neanderthals and Arsenal fans.

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Posted: Jan 21st, 2010
More from News In Brief

Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger has complained to the FA that during Saturday’s game against Manchester United his players were ‘constantly harrassed’ by the opposing team.

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Posted: Sep 1st, 2009
More from News In Brief

Everton manager David Moyes already looks set to win February’s Manager of the Month award following his inspired substitutions at the end of the FA cup replay against Liverpool. With only a couple of minutes of extra time remaining, and his team favourites to lose a penalty shoot-out, Moyes substituted three players and put on a number of television commercials instead. Before anyone quite understood what was happening, Everton had scored the deciding goal.

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Posted: Feb 7th, 2009
More from Sport