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Posts Tagged ‘Asda’

Cow left in Asda by protesting farmer promoted to store manager

A dairy cow which was left in an Asda supermarket in Middlesbrough last month has been put in charge of running the store, it has emerged. Daisy had been taken to the store by farmer Kevin Pritchard as part of a nationwide protest against falling milk prices but has proven to be the best placed candidate to run the store.

‘Kevin left me in the shop while he went off to talk to the local journos,’ said Daisy. ‘When there was a bit of an altercation he was manhandled off the premises, leaving me stranded in Aisle 6, Dairy, Eggs & Cheese. I felt a bit spare so when an old lady asked me if I knew which aisle the Steradent was kept in I took her round to Aisle 2, Toiletries & Feminine Hygiene, and it started from there.’

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Posted: Sep 28th, 2015
More from Business

Baker refuses to decorate ‘World’s Best Dad’ cake

‘At first I couldn’t understand why she had written such a thing,’ said Sonia Walkinshaw. ‘I know that Laura’s dad recovered from brain cancer and he did that charity climb on Kilimanjaro, but even so, no-one’s dad is better than mine.’

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Posted: May 23rd, 2015
More from News In Brief

People who demand to be forgotten online ‘can’t remember why’

You ain't seen me, right! ‘I don’t want to remember it, whatever it was.’

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Posted: May 18th, 2015
More from From The Archives

Lurpak on offer at Asda, says your wife’s mother at six in the frigging morning

and then she just wants to eat it, for heaven's sakeAccording to sources close to your wife, which during the last five seconds have have been positively identified with her mother, Lurpak is on sale at 40% off in Asda this week. The news emerged in a phone call that woke you 40 seconds ago from a dream about Little Mix playing netball in blue pleated skirts at two minutes past six, for f*ck’s sake.

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Posted: Apr 28th, 2015
More from UK News

Government urges shops to replace other shops in job creation bonanza

Employment Minister Esther McVey has called for Tesco to replace every Sainsburys store, Sainsburys to replace every Asda store and Asda to replace every Tesco store. ‘Whenever a massive shop opens, it creates hundreds of jobs’, she told reporters. ‘ I don’t really understand the maths – all these shops are doing is making it easier to buy stuff which was made in China. Nevertheless, apparently a new superstore equals job creation.

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Posted: Nov 17th, 2014
More from News In Brief