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Posts Tagged ‘Asda’

Lurpak on offer at Asda, says your wife’s mother at six in the frigging morning

and then she just wants to eat it, for heaven's sakeAccording to sources close to your wife, which during the last five seconds have have been positively identified with her mother, Lurpak is on sale at 40% off in Asda this week. The news emerged in a phone call that woke you 40 seconds ago from a dream about Little Mix playing netball in blue pleated skirts at two minutes past six, for f*ck’s sake.

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Posted: Apr 28th, 2015
More from UK News



Government urges shops to replace other shops in job creation bonanza

Employment Minister Esther McVey has called for Tesco to replace every Sainsburys store, Sainsburys to replace every Asda store and Asda to replace every Tesco store. ‘Whenever a massive shop opens, it creates hundreds of jobs’, she told reporters. ‘ I don’t really understand the maths – all these shops are doing is making it easier to buy stuff which was made in China. Nevertheless, apparently a new superstore equals job creation.

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Posted: Nov 17th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Asda introduces ‘slapping-friendly areas’ for shoppers with small children

won't be beaten on price, service or anything other than aisle 29 Asda is to create ‘slapping areas’ where frustrated parents can hit their children without causing offence to other shoppers.

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Posted: Aug 14th, 2014
More from From The Archives



People who demand to be forgotten online ‘can’t remember why’

You ain't seen me, right!Google, Bing and the other search engine have been deluged with requests from people asking to remove details from their past that may appear when people put their name in a thingy. But many found they couldn’t remember exactly what it was they wanted removed.

One man from Cheltenham whose name can’t be used because we’ve forgotten it said; ‘Better safe than sorry. If people put my name in Google or Crosby they’re sure to find out stuff that, frankly, I’d rather not remember. So much so that I can’t even remember it now. But that’s not the point. I don’t want to remember it, whatever it was, so best if I ask the internet search engine to remove all stuff that comes up that is linked to my name.’

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Posted: May 16th, 2014
More from Science/Technology



IPCC name man responsible for climate change

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change has today confirmed that they are finally ready to ‘name and shame’ the man responsible for climate change.

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2014
More from News In Brief