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Posts Tagged ‘aslan’

Channel Tunnel NOT a gateway to Narnia

And anyway, Aslan's been shot by a dentistThe Ministry of Defence has been forced to release a blanket denial that Calais’ entrance to the UK is the portal to a fantasy kingdom of bounteous social benefits and friendly characters from classic British fiction. Sadly, immigrants have been flooding into the area under this mistaken belief that they will get to meet Aslan, hobbits and the cast of ‘Glee’.

Nightly, hundreds of desperate stowaways risk their lives to get a peek of the animals of Farthing Wood who they believe are waiting at the other end. One migrant admitted: ‘The UK is the land of milk and honey – resting on the backs of four huge elephants and one enormous space turtle. And where else can you claim child benefit for dependents living outside the UK, while at the same time sending you other kids to Hogwarts?’

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Posted: Jul 31st, 2015
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Narnia receives scathing TripAdvisor review

it was all in the 400-page brochure, if only they'd looked‘If we wanted talking animals with a tedious moral message we would have gone to Disneyland. Needless to say, we won’t be returning.’

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2015
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Boy mauled by lion in wardrobe

The child, who claims he was speaking to Jesus, remains in intensive care 13 hours after he was found scratched and bloodied in the upstairs bedroom of his rural home. His grandfather, Digory Kirke, says that doctors are optimistic that he will recover, though is said to be unsure about the circumstances leading up to the attack.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2013
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