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Posts Tagged ‘Atos’

Fit-For-Work tests to be conducted by killer robot

you have 10 seconds to comply with this order‘Please withdraw your claim. You have 20 seconds to comply.’

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Posted: Apr 28th, 2015
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Iain Duncan Smith to reintroduce workhouses

No, of course you can't have some more!Against a background of persistent denials of any decision yet being made about where the Tories would cut the welfare budget, a leaked email has revealed that Work and Pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith’s latest reforms include plans to reintroduce Victorian-style workhouses.

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Posted: Mar 30th, 2015
More from Politics

Iain Duncan Smith to simplify all his cock-ups into one Universal Cock-Up

'unfit for purpose' now made more efficiently 'unfit for purpose'‘I am sick and tired of this constant culture of blame,’ he told reporters, ‘and it’s all YOUR fault.’

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Posted: Feb 15th, 2015
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Gove to privatise child abuse

'why should the state sector have all the fun?'Michael Gove has announced he’ll hand responsibility for all child abuse to private companies like G4S, Atos and Serco. Mr Gove told the media it was ‘inappropriate and wrong’ for past child abuse to be largely the responsibility of public bodies like the BBC, state-run care homes, the NHS and Liberal MP Cyril Smith.’

The Education Secretary said: ‘At a time of economic challenge it’s crucial we don’t leave child abuse to Labour-supporting BBC celebrities who are paid millions of pounds by licence fee payers. Even some religious institutions are claiming state funding for their special kind of hurting of children. Equally, the cost of child abuse in local authority and other state-provided institutions has got out of hand. That’s why teachers in Free Schools will have a freer hand in this respect. One simple form of abuse will be to deny children in Free Schools free school meals.’

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Posted: May 20th, 2014
More from Education

Britain swamped with zombies as Atos send the dead back to work

far better off working than laying in the ground, leachingBritain was this morning swamped with zombies as the government’s controversial benefits cutback forcing those who are clearly dead but who have been deemed to be undead by Atos assessments, and therefore available for work, came into force.

Under the new Atos rules, silence in response to such questions as ‘do you like to eat brains’ now constitutes no defence at all against a charge that those interrogated could easily dig themselves out of a grave and lumber around slowly. They might even be able to carry something useful while they’re at it for the good of the nation, according to the Atos guidelines.

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Posted: Sep 6th, 2012
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