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Posts Tagged ‘austerity’

Austerity limits Lloyds share discount to 5%

‘You should register online, quoting ‘We’re all in this together’,’ the chancellor advised. But hurry, because extreme spending cuts mean that these crazy knock-down prices will be restricted to only £4 billion of shares for a lucky few.’

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Posted: Apr 21st, 2015
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Desperate bankers turn to payday loans to fund bonuses

‘Without George Osborne agreeing to double our bonus cap, RBS may be compelled to return to what we do best – investing in animal cruelty, funding environmental disasters and libor-rigging’.

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2015
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Banker learns everything would be better if he’d never been born

'Bedford Falls. Wallet Gains'Former Investment Banker, Henry F. Potter, was shocked to discover that life for everyone would be much, much better if he had simply never been born.

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Posted: Dec 6th, 2014
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Crime falls by 10% as austerity hits burglars

The Crime Survey of England and Wales has shown that crimes against adults and households fell by 10% in the last year, further proof of austerity hitting every part of society. Rising prices of tools and a sharp fall in prices on the black market has seen the average burglar ‘barely break even’.

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Posted: Jan 23rd, 2014
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Merkel launches ‘Frank Bank’ as final solution to Eurozone crisis


In the wake of financial woes in the Eurozone, it has now been confirmed that Angela Merkel has launched a new German led European ‘Frank Bank’.

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Posted: Mar 28th, 2013
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