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Posts Tagged ‘Baby’

Scientists confirm couple’s baby ‘actually IS centre of the universe’

Physicists have confirmed that there is in fact a centre of the universe and that it is Benjamin James Milton, an 18-month old toddler from Knutsford, Cheshire.

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Posted: Aug 18th, 2014
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Woman refuses to give birth in Primark

not even the 50% off signs could tempt her inDespite being wracked with labour pains and hobbled by a small head erupting from her vagina, an unnamed 28-year-old woman from Birmingham has been hailed as a hero for resolutely refusing to be lulled by Primark’s promise of cut-price designer wear and give birth in the shop.

As her waters broke, her cervix dilated and her 25%-off voucher expired, the woman dragged herself away from the lure of a sale on floral dresses. Groaning as her membranes ruptured, every maternal instinct made her abandon a rail of bargain kids’ clothing in the hope that her child would be born to a better future, with better stitching.

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Posted: Jul 2nd, 2014
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Local woman shocked newborn is not ‘like, way cuter’

The baby was weighed at 7 lb 3 oz, but Jenson insists that she must be heavier as her stomach completely obscures her rib cage. She is refusing to breastfeed until the diet pills she has been consuming covertly kick in.

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2014
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Three-headed baby plans announced

Plans to allow the creation of babies with three heads have been announced in the UK. The draft regulations will be reviewed as part of a public consultation and could come into force by the end of 2014, although opponents say it is unethical and could set the UK on a ‘slippery slope’.

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Posted: Feb 28th, 2014
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‘Baby on Board’ sticker parents receive World Humanitarian Award

other motorists slowed down and cooed while, obviously, watching the road aheadA Halifax couple who have displayed a Baby on Board sticker in their car for the past five years have been awarded a prestigious World Humanitarian Award for their ‘remarkable contribution to improving the circumstances of mankind’.

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Posted: Oct 29th, 2013
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