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Posts Tagged ‘Baby’

Plaid Cymru manifesto ‘slightly more interesting’ than Kate’s second baby

Plaid Cymru’s general election manifesto is of slightly more interest to the general public than is the prospect of the Duchess of Cambridge’s second baby, according to opinion polls.

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2015
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‘Bagel on Board’ badges to help fat women get seats on commuter trains

An etiquette conundrum will be solved next week, with the introduction of a new badge for women bus and train travellers. Up until now it has sometimes been impossible, without asking, to know whether to offer female passengers a seat. The big question: Pregnant? Or Fat?

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Posted: Mar 21st, 2015
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‘Here comes the big aeroplane’ parents given all-clear to resume feeding

still concerns that Mr Choo-Choo could be affected by leavesYoung mothers across Southern England breathed a collective sigh of relief after Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt announced that so-called ‘Here comes the big aeroplane’ spoon-feeding techniques could safely resume.

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Posted: Dec 14th, 2014
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Scientists confirm couple’s baby ‘actually IS centre of the universe’

Physicists have confirmed that there is in fact a centre of the universe and that it is Benjamin James Milton, an 18-month old toddler from Knutsford, Cheshire.

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Posted: Aug 18th, 2014
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Woman refuses to give birth in Primark

not even the 50% off signs could tempt her inDespite being wracked with labour pains and hobbled by a small head erupting from her vagina, an unnamed 28-year-old woman from Birmingham has been hailed as a hero for resolutely refusing to be lulled by Primark’s promise of cut-price designer wear and give birth in the shop.

As her waters broke, her cervix dilated and her 25%-off voucher expired, the woman dragged herself away from the lure of a sale on floral dresses. Groaning as her membranes ruptured, every maternal instinct made her abandon a rail of bargain kids’ clothing in the hope that her child would be born to a better future, with better stitching.

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Posted: Jul 2nd, 2014
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