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Posts Tagged ‘banks’

Shock as banks are caught doing what they’re best at doing

‘We apologize to all those naive customers who, following our recent spate of apologies and promises to do better, may have been misled into thinking we might be embracing honesty and all that stuff.’

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Posted: Jun 28th, 2012
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RBS say ‘glitch’ that caused credit crunch now fixed

helpful HesterThe Royal Bank of Scotland has today come out and apologised for the ‘minor glitch’ in its systems which caused it to almost crumble into bankruptcy and need a multi-billion pound bail-out from every UK taxpayer, with the possible exception of Jimmy Carr.

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Posted: Jun 27th, 2012
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Fears that Sunday opening may raise customer hopes about banking service

‘It’s a very worrying development,’ said a NatWest spokeswoman. ‘Some customers may have got the wrong idea about Sunday’s opening and think we are about to start responding to customer needs which, of course, is simply out of the question.’

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2012
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Britain’s banks downgraded to ‘bastards’

'A loan!?! You want a loan?!?'Britain’s banks are under fire once again, after rating agency Moody’s downgraded them to ‘a shower of bastards’. While investors at HSBC are still regarded by many observers as ‘pondlife’, several other major financial institutions fear they could lose their cherished status of ‘immoral grabbing shitbags’.

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Posted: Jun 23rd, 2012
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Village fights to lose its Barclays

Barclays“We’ve tried to compromise and have it converted to a trendy wine bar, but no dice.”

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2011
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