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Posts Tagged ‘Barack Obama’

Next country to be invaded by Russia during an Olympics to be named

The result of the bidding to be the next country to be invaded by Russia during an Olympics are set to be announced at a glitzy ceremony in St Tropez later today.

The competition hasn’t been as fierce as expected in the race to follow in the footsteps of Poland in 1920, Hungary in 1956, the 1968 event in Czechoslovakia and the more recent hosts Georgia and Ukraine as had been expected.

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Posted: Mar 7th, 2014
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UK & US rule out military intervention: Russia actually has WMDs

David Cameron and Barack Obama have today ruled out the possibility of taking any military action in Ukraine, on the grounds that Russia definitely does have Weapons of Mass Destruction. ‘We don’t need to send in Hans Blix to justify anything this time’, explained the Prime Minister.

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Posted: Mar 6th, 2014
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Obama proposes gun control for under-threes and monkeys

Barack Obama has controversially announced measures to limit firearm access for the under-threes. US citizens under the age of three may soon be limited to the ownership of four fire-arms per child, and monkeys could be left without weaponry entirely.

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Posted: Jan 6th, 2014
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Interpreters to be replaced by Skippy the Bush Kangaroo

Following the debacle of the Mandela memorial being overshadowed by fake sign language, all future international events will be staffed by Australia’s ‘favourite joey’. Skippy will translate multiple dialects into a series of universally understood hind leg ‘thumps’, ‘clicking sounds’ and ‘rudimentary twerking’.

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Posted: Dec 14th, 2013
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World peace a step closer as Obama, Rouhani trade knock-knock jokes

avoided any jokes about racial, political stereotypes in this crucial first meetingIn a momentous turn of events, tensions in the Middle East appear to have eased considerably after the presidents of Iran and the US swapped knock-knock jokes for the first time in 35 years.

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2013
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