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Posts Tagged ‘Barclays’

Boris Johnson launches new ‘Bicycle-Water-Cannons-For-Hire’ scheme

feel the power‘I have already spent the day hosing down the hoi polloi.’

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2015
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Banker learns everything would be better if he’d never been born

'Bedford Falls. Wallet Gains'Former Investment Banker, Henry F. Potter, was shocked to discover that life for everyone would be much, much better if he had simply never been born.

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Posted: Dec 6th, 2014
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Hackers regret raiding Barclays as accounts get emptied

vulture capitalism at its finestCyber criminals who hacked a branch of Barclays bank have now given themselves up in the face of catastrophic losses on their account. The scam was running like clockwork after the gang initially succeeded breaking into the system and stealing £1.3 million of customers’ money. However, things started to go wrong after an unsolicited call from Barclays investment arm offering to double their money through derivatives trading.

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Posted: Sep 22nd, 2013
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Bank staff support order to separate into ‘nice bits’ and ‘dodgy bits’

waterboarding now a thing of the past for most customersBritish Banks must ring-fence their ‘well dodgy bits’ and keep them entirely separate from their ‘nice smiley bits’, the Chancellor of the Exchequer has warned. Bank Branch staff have largely supported the idea.

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Posted: Feb 21st, 2013
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Scientists hail first sighting of elusive bankers’ morals

physicists allowing themselves an extra scotch egg for lunch, as a bonus‘We knew one banker, somewhere, must have had a pang of guilt at least once,’ declared an exhausted and delighted spokesman.

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Posted: Jul 4th, 2012
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