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Posts Tagged ‘Barclays’

Banker learns everything would be better if he’d never been born

'Bedford Falls. Wallet Gains'Former Investment Banker, Henry F. Potter, was shocked to discover that life for everyone would be much, much better if he had simply never been born.

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Posted: Dec 6th, 2014
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Notorious criminal boss elects ‘not to accept bonus this year’

lying low until bribery comes back into fashion‘Ordinarily I would be proud to be the target of such accusations, but I think we accept that as an organisation we have underperformed and let people down’.

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Posted: Jun 24th, 2014
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Boris Johnson launches new ‘Bicycle-Water-Cannons-For-Hire’ scheme

feel the powerBoris Johnson has today announced plans to launch the all new ‘Bicycle-Water-Cannons-For-Hire’ scheme in London, believed to be the first of its kind in Europe. ‘These new Boris Cannons are a tremendous wheeze,’ said the London Mayor today. ‘I have already spent the day riding around on one, hosing down the hoi polloi and washing away beggars from shop doorways. It’s tremendous fun.’

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Posted: Apr 2nd, 2014
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Hackers regret raiding Barclays as accounts get emptied

vulture capitalism at its finestCyber criminals who hacked a branch of Barclays bank have now given themselves up in the face of catastrophic losses on their account. The scam was running like clockwork after the gang initially succeeded breaking into the system and stealing £1.3 million of customers’ money. However, things started to go wrong after an unsolicited call from Barclays investment arm offering to double their money through derivatives trading.

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Posted: Sep 22nd, 2013
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Bank staff support order to separate into ‘nice bits’ and ‘dodgy bits’

waterboarding now a thing of the past for most customersBritish Banks must ring-fence their ‘well dodgy bits’ and keep them entirely separate from their ‘nice smiley bits’, the Chancellor of the Exchequer has warned. Bank Branch staff have largely supported the idea.

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Posted: Feb 21st, 2013
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