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Posts Tagged ‘BBC’

Ongoing conflict between North and South Utsire could end Shipping Forecast

In an effort to secure the long-term future of the Shipping Forecast, the Met Office, the Maritime and Coastguard Agency and BBC Radio 4 today urged the UN to intervene in the long-running dispute between North and South Utsire.

Although the two rival sea areas have never formally called a halt to the hostilities – which saw Utsire split at the end of the Cod War in 1976 – an uneasy ceasefire has been maintained for the past three decades, policed by a coalition force made up of troops from neighbouring Viking, Forties and Fisher.

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Posted: Nov 27th, 2015
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BBC to fund Red Button removal

The BBC has confirmed today that they are contractually obliged to compensate users for the removal of their superfluous ‘gizmo’ from our handsets. The £1bn scheme involves sending an engineer to every TV licence fee paying household in the UK and replacing it with a button ‘that isn’t red’.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2015
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Multiple Archers characters to die to stop BBC listeners downloading podcasts

The BBC has announced that an unpredictable outbreak of murder, suicide, accidental death, lethal machinery malfunction, alien abduction and Ebola will hit Ambridge, leading to a veritable genocide of characters from The Archers. This, the corporation added, is the result of an initiative to keep listeners tuning in to the familiar speech service, rather than turning to commercially-backed podcasts. At least one Ambridge resident a week will be dying in order to protect listening figures and safeguard jobs at BBC Birmingham.

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Posted: Nov 13th, 2015
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ITV to have advertisements during Peston pauses

TV commercials will feature during gaps in Robert Peston’s ‘idiosyncratic’ speech, when he joins the independent broadcaster next year.

ITV spokesperson Micky Smyth told a press conference that said the idea would both enhance ITV shareholder’s profits and provide a useful way of informing viewers without compromising editorial standards or impartiality. Products to be unpredictably ‘micro-advertised’, while Peston thinks up what to say next include holidays in Egypt, male grooming products and something else, as yet not thought of but probably just as commercially lucrative.

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Posted: Nov 9th, 2015
More from UK News

BBC to save money by showing blokes watching programmes instead of programmes

blokes on sofa getting better deals by threatening to go to ITVBBC Director General Mark Thompson today announced that the BBC’s financial troubles could soon be behind them if a radical new approach to programming is implemented.

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Posted: Nov 3rd, 2015
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