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Government now fears ‘extraterrestrial benefit spongers’
‘They’ll probably be concealing illegal migrants from somewhere or other in the solar system just here to scrounge or take our British jobs’ [read...]
Tagged benefits
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Reintroduced Boxing Day Hunt to cull social-care claimants
As one of his first policy announcements after being elected Prime Minister, Boris Johnson today indicated that the Government would put forward a bill to reintroduce the traditional Boxing Day hunt. Rather than the socially unacceptable fox-cull, [read...]
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Father of 10 gives government ‘benefit holiday’
Darren Peacock, 28, today announced his intention to give the coalition government a bit of breathing space by giving them a benefit holiday while he is on ‘an 18-month business trip’. [read...]
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Large Hadron Collider could let foreign particles in, complains Farage
Nigel Farage has slammed the Large Hadron Collider for taking two years off work then coming back online to ‘deliberately introduce dark matter into an already crowded Universe’. The UKIP leader has long highlighted quantum immigration as an ‘explosive issue’ [read...]
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Rival shelf-stacking dynasties clash over rights to price up aisle 13
The tinned foods aisle of a Wirral-based branch of Asda is locked in a bitter blood feud over who should price up the mushy peas, according to reports. The rival clans from Hoylake and West Kirby have amassed personal wealth estimated to be in the thousands after putting in extra night shifts at the store’s branch in Woodchurch. [read...]