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Posts Tagged ‘benefits’

Tories plan Krypton Factor death course for young unemployed

The government has denied that it is punishing the young with its ‘Punishing the Young’ unemployment strategy.

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Posted: Aug 18th, 2015
More from UK News

Government to ‘halt’ benefits of everyone on benefits

The government has announced it will ‘halt’ the benefits of everyone on benefits following the ‘success’ of a pilot scheme, in which people on benefits who had their benefits ‘halted’ either ‘found work’, or coincidentally died.

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Posted: Aug 13th, 2015
More from News In Brief

Large Hadron Collider could let foreign particles in, complains Farage

looks like a giant arsehole, and so does the LHCNigel Farage has slammed the Large Hadron Collider for taking two years off work then coming back online to ‘deliberately introduce dark matter into an already crowded Universe’. The UKIP leader has long highlighted quantum immigration as an ‘explosive issue’ for the general election.

‘Frankly we just don’t have the infrastructure to assimilate all these new particles’, Farage raged, taking an earnest boggle-eyed bantam stance. ‘It has been openly admitted that we don’t really know where all these ‘exotic particles’ originate and we know far less about their skills and employment records. How do we know that the minute these particles are created, they won’t go straight on benefits?’

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Posted: Apr 8th, 2015
More from Science/Technology

David Cameron: ‘Unemployed young can muck out my stables’

The Conservative Party has promised to come down hard on young ne’er do wells, by compelling them to ‘polish Tory silverware’. Rather than being an Etonian euphemism, the aim is to put those without employment or training into meaningful community work; such as cleaning moats, feeding the pheasants and handing out lemon-grass scented hand towels.

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Posted: Feb 17th, 2015
More from News In Brief

Iain Duncan Smith to host primetime TV immigration quiz show

Fair, transparent and completely on scheduleThe contestants face a series of interrogations from both Duncan Smith and ‘The Wanker’, a mystery voice from the DWP who sneers derisively at their pleas on the end of a telephone line.

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Posted: Dec 22nd, 2014
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