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Posts Tagged ‘benefits’

All benefits must be collected from top of mountain says Iain Duncan Smith

high benefitsPeople suffering from clinical depression will be allowed to forgo the mountain altogether and collect their benefits from the depths of an abyss.

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Posted: Nov 10th, 2014
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IDS stays in bed with curtains closed, neighbours say

‘It’s since he made a balls of Universal Credits,’ said one. ‘It’s the only proper job he’s had and he knows nobody will employ him in future.’

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2014
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Benefit claimants pleased at prospect of zero-hour contracts

In what appears to be the perfect deal for those either unable or reluctant to work, the government plans to push claimants off benefits and into jobs they will not have to do. The rationale being that if people only have to work zero hours, they will have plenty of time to make money elsewhere.

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Posted: May 7th, 2014
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Government now fears ‘extraterrestrial benefit spongers’

Aliens could claim child tax credits for children living outside the orbit of Pluto‘They’ll probably be concealing illegal migrants from somewhere or other in the solar system just here to scrounge or take our British jobs’

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Posted: Mar 7th, 2014
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LinkedIn launch dedicated network for the jobless – ‘AlwaysIn’

always more to learn from like-minded professionalsLinkedIn today, announced the launch of ‘AlwaysIn’, a dedicated jobless-to-jobless network for those currently unemployed and illegally claiming benefits.

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Posted: Jan 23rd, 2014
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