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Posts Tagged ‘benefits’

Cameron outlines plans to cut Scottish immigrants’ benefits

David Cameron has given details today of proposals to restrict the amount of benefits that Scottish immigrants to the UK can claim should Scotland vote for independence next year. Under the plans Scots would have to live in the UK for three months, stop pretending that Irn Bru’s better than Coke and change their ringtone to Swing Low Sweet Chariot before becoming a burden on the welfare state.

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2013
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All benefits must be collected from top of mountain says Iain Duncan Smith

high benefits‘The benefits system should be about incentivising people,’ said the Work and Pensions Secretary, ‘and by placing benefits on the tops of mountains we are encouraging the unemployed to get off their backsides and make a bit more of an effort.’

Under the new system all benefit payments will be hidden somewhere on the top of a high peak. ‘It could be on Mount Snowdon; it could be Scafell Pike,’ explained Mr Duncan Smith. ‘That’s the fun of the system. And just to keep people on their toes, sometimes there won’t be any benefit at all.’

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Posted: Nov 28th, 2013
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IDS tells public sector workers: ‘Hand back your wages’

Iain Duncan Smith has today stated that it is an ‘anomaly’ that all civil servants receive a salary when some could afford to do without.

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Posted: Apr 29th, 2013
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Britons urged not to panic after possible sighting of ‘Bulgarian’

four other cases reported leading to fears of apocalypseA woman in Braintree, Essex claimed to have seen a Bulgarian lurking in some bushes near a local petrol station, leading to fears of hysterical panic-bigotry among thousands of Daily Express readers.

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2013
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UK poor people must do more to help kill foreign poor people, says Defence Secretary

Defence Secretary Philip Hammond says that poor people in Britain should do more to help to kill poor people in other countries by taking a cut in their welfare benefits to allow much-needed funds for the armed forces.

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2013
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