NewsBiscuit

A sixteen-year-old part-time assistant at PC World is the surprise winner of this year’s Nobel Prize for Physics. Joe Ward from Northampton was awarded the prize in recognition, say the Nobel Committee, ‘of his outstanding contribution to physics and computer science by correctly advising Mrs Ethel Knight, 62, of Northampton, on how to attach a mouse to a computer USB port’.

Mr Ward, who works at his local PC World at weekends, said he was ‘gob smacked’ on receiving the letter informing him of his success. ‘It was awesome,’ he told journalists. ‘I knew I’d done something pretty cool, but I didn’t think I had a chance of a Nobel Prize. But, looking back, I suppose it was pretty groundbreaking for a PC World guy to give out correct technical information.’

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Posted: Dec 19th, 2009
More from Science/Technology

Microsoft has admitted that its regular software updates are ‘pranks’ largely generated by bored or frustrated programmers. The admission, which follows a three-year investigation by a special US Congressional Committee, has merely confirmed what many computer experts have been saying for some time.

Nigel Drake, a software analyst with Drayton Mann, said: ‘Honestly, when was the last time you actually downloaded a ‘critical’ update or patch from Microsoft, and it made any difference to anything you were doing? The screen doesn’t change, it doesn’t go any faster, it doesn’t stop getting attacked by viruses, it doesn’t boot up quicker, in fact if anything it gets slower and then your whole screen goes black.’

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2009
More from Science/Technology

Software giants Microsoft have announced that the long awaited Windows 7 will have all current spyware viruses already pre-installed to save consumers endless hours trawling porn sites to download them at home. The announcement was made live on-line today on both the official Windows site and www.chick-with-dicks.com .

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2009
More from Science/Technology

‘The most advanced knitwear the softwear giant has ever developed.’

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2009
More from From The Archives

Microsoft has updated its popular Not Responding 2007 with a new multi media version, that automatically reduces the amount of work done on a computer by wiping the last hour’s worth.

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Posted: Mar 17th, 2009
More from Science/Technology