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Posts Tagged ‘Bono’

State of emergency declared after the e-Bono virus hits Britain

An urgent public health warning has today been issued after a dangerous virus that was supposed to be someone else’s problem arrived on Great Britain’s shores last night, having entered the country via a consignment of infected Apple devices. The virus is said to have already reached epidemic status.

The BBC have reacted by broadcasting public service messages giving information on how to delete the ‘e-Bono virus’ from infected phones and iPods, though nothing can be done about alleviating the early-onset symptoms, which include ear infections, drowsiness, and ‘ranting about Bono’s wrap-around specs’.

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Posted: Sep 13th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment



Irish Government sells Saint Patrick to reduce national debt

unbelievably, some Irish people still determined to get pissed tonightSt Patrick’s Day celebrations around the world are facing an uncertain future following today’s announcement by the Irish Government that it has sold the popular saint, and his associated festival day, to Germany in a desperate bid to reduce Ireland’s crippling national debt.

Saint Patrick, who has been Ireland’s national saint for over 1500 years and who is believed to be the only Irish cleric in history not to have been implicated in a child sex abuse scandal, was sold at an EU auction last night for the sum of €7.3 million, according to Taoiseach, Enda Kenny.

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Posted: Mar 16th, 2013
More from World News



U2 talk down ‘mediocre’ new album

Irish rockers U2 have been unusually candid in a round of interviews given on the eve of the release of their latest album, There’s Worse Ways To Kill 50 Minutes. Tired of thinking up increasingly extravagant hyperbole to make what is essentially the same as their last three albums seem like the Second Coming, the band have decided to be more realistic.

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Posted: Oct 25th, 2012
More from News In Brief



Real world to be rearranged in accordance with actors’ preferences

The real world today announced that it would rearrange itself in accordance with the beliefs and desires of the acting ‘profession’. ‘I finally realised that I’ve been mistaken,’ said Mr. World, aged 4.54 billion years.

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Posted: Feb 17th, 2012
More from News In Brief



New Year’s dishonours list to acknowledge ‘worst and most annoying’ of society

honours available hereAlthough not officially announced until the end of next month, details of this year’s Dishonours List have been leaked and include dozens of newly-minted twats, pricks, sods and tossers – individuals whose contributions to public life have been irritating, infuriating or downright damaging.

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Posted: Nov 23rd, 2010
More from UK News