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Posts Tagged ‘Bono’

Real IRA re-considering its position after Republic of Ireland declared ‘crap’

Ted Kennedy hasn't paid his subscription for months.The Real IRA is to end all terrorist activities after failing to come up with an answer to the question ‘who in their right mind would actually want to reunite with this piece of shoite in the South?’.

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Posted: Oct 1st, 2010
More from World News

World economies collapse in absence of Bono’s wisdom

He's still one, but he's not the sameStock markets around the world have been sent crashing today following the news that Bono’s back surgery will keep him out of action for up to six weeks. ‘Everyone knows that Bono tells virtually every government in the world what to do’ explained the BBC’s Robert Peston. ‘If he’s out of action no-one will have a clue what they should be doing. The entire global economy could go to rack and ruin.’

Prime Minister David Cameron confirmed that Tuesday’s Queen’s speech was almost cancelled following the news. ‘Fortunately we’d sought Bono’s opinion on most of the proposed bills already, and Bob Geldof was available for a bit of last minute fine-tuning’.

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Posted: May 26th, 2010
More from Celebrity

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins fight for custody of liberal conscience

Susan Sarandon Tim RobbinsLawyers for the recently separated celebrity activists Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins have reached a provisional agreement dividing up their worth causes. Susan gets custody of the gay, lesbian and transgender issues while Tim gets to keep anti-racism, Nicaragua and AIDS. Shared custody has now been agreed over opposition to the death penalty with both parties getting access to death row inmates on alternate weekends.

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Posted: Jan 24th, 2010
More from Arts/Entertainment

Bono attacks pious MPs who don’t pay their taxes

Global campaigner Bono has slammed British M.P.s for avoiding paying tax on their expenses. ‘It’s the piousness I can’t stand,’ said the U2 star yesterday, posing for pictures outside the Houses of Parliament. ‘What’s really nauseating is they act like they’re saving the world, when all they’re doing is saving their receipts.’

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Posted: May 27th, 2009
More from News In Brief

Bono rules that lip service and moral posturing count towards carbon offsetting

Eco warrior Bono has ruled that if you are very famous, then just talking about the environment a lot offsets the damage you do to the planet by flying around it.

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Posted: Apr 7th, 2009
More from News In Brief