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Posts Tagged ‘Boris Johnson’

London awarded George Cross for braving storm

Mayor Boris Johnson praised his fellow Londoners as ‘crikey, yipes, a bloody good bunch of blokes and . . . you know, the others . . . salt of the earth, what?’ Whilst nobody really understood what Boris was going on about, it was widely acknowledged that the capital had endured a day as bad as any since the Blitz.

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Posted: Oct 30th, 2013
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Brave Dave hires Cowell as election mogul

‘It’s really important to engage young voters with the people who run their country,’ said Cameron, his Old Etonian dialect taking on a distinct northern twang. ‘Why do you think I rarely wear a tie? It’s to make me look more like Gary Barlow. Everybody loves Gary Barlow.’

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Posted: Oct 28th, 2013
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Three-quarters of my penis is still technically ‘virgin territory’, brags Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson today abandoned any pretence that he is ashamed of his manhood, and in a series of press conferences refused to talk about anything other than his own penis.

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Posted: Oct 4th, 2013
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Politicians to be permanently sealed within giant Westminster Bubble

welcome to the pleasure domeThe multi-million pound Odium Project aims to collect every variety of politician, lobbyist and political journalist and keep them in a safe, temperature controlled environment.

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Posted: Sep 2nd, 2013
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Government announces new Boris Johnson to be built in Thames estuary

‘The existing Boris Johnson was designed half a century ago for the needs a different era and is completely unsuited to the modern world,’ said Downing Street sources.

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Posted: Aug 13th, 2013
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