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Posts Tagged ‘Boris Johnson’

Metropolitan Police given permission to buy Death Ray

Approval has been given for the Metropolitan Police to purchase three Death Rays for London. Stephen Greenhalgh, deputy mayor for policing and crime, authorised the force to buy the water cannons death rays from the Galactic Empire, saving more than £2.3 trillion.

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Posted: Jun 11th, 2014
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Brazil denies all knowledge of hosting Olympic Games in 2016

IOC Vice-President John Coates has told delegates at an Olympic Forum in Sydney that officials in the 2016 host city Rio de Janeiro have claimed to know nothing about the games being held there in a little over 2 year’s time.

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Posted: May 1st, 2014
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Boris Johnson launches new ‘Bicycle-Water-Cannons-For-Hire’ scheme

feel the powerBoris Johnson has today announced plans to launch the all new ‘Bicycle-Water-Cannons-For-Hire’ scheme in London, believed to be the first of its kind in Europe. ‘These new Boris Cannons are a tremendous wheeze,’ said the London Mayor today. ‘I have already spent the day riding around on one, hosing down the hoi polloi and washing away beggars from shop doorways. It’s tremendous fun.’

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Posted: Apr 2nd, 2014
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Commuters beg Unions to extend tube strike

the fresh air, the view, the mayor of London cycling by...London commuters begged London transport unions tonight to extend the current 48 hour tube strike indefinitely, citing “an immeasurable improvement to our quality of life and general well-being” since suspension of services began.

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Posted: Feb 5th, 2014
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London’s Tube Crisis – Russell Brand yet to comment

Confusion among Londoners over how they feel about the tube strike continues to grow as Russell Brand still hasn’t released any form of open letter about it.

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Posted: Feb 5th, 2014
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