As the shell-shocked inhabitants of the Isle of Wight woke this morning to see that the suspiciously foreign-named Storm Ciara had done thousands, possibly hundreds, of pounds of damage to their once-tranquil home, they were as one in vowing that they will be jolly well rolling up their sleeves and restoring it to its 1950s glory. [read...]
In an embarrassing moment for the EU, its final farewell to Britain today was unfortunately mistranslated as “So long, and thanks for all the fish”. In a hastily written apology, the Spanish delegate said they hadn’t meant to be quite so honest about their feelings, [read...]
The Chinese government has advised all Chinese people currently in Britain to leave the country to minimise their risk of exposure to the Brexonavirus. There are fears that this hitherto localised outbreak of lethal stupidity could become a global pandemic. [read...]
Mark Francois, who friends said had been looking particularly supercilious and unbelievably smug since Friday, has transcended to a higher plane, it has been revealed. This morning his mortal body suddenly dissolved into a bright silver-blue gas before being blown to the four winds as ethereal voices whispered and sighed ‘BREXXXXXXXXIT…it…it…it…it…’ [read...]
Due to Brexit, the popular Thornton’s Continental chocolates selection will be changing its name to the Thornton’s Non-Continental None Of That Fancy Foreign Stuff Thank You Very Much Indeed chocolates. It’s thought that this move could make them a serious contender to replace the Fry’s Chocolate Cream as the favourite confectionery for people with an… [read...]
