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Posts Tagged ‘Brian Cox’

UK Borders Agency accused of stuffing Channel Tunnel with impatient visa applicants

The UK Border Agency (UKBA) has today admitted that it has been using the Channel Tunnel as a storage facility for immigrants, after complaints from Eurostar.

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2013
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Particle physics ‘all made up’ admit boffins

what scientists know 'just incredible'Scientists everywhere have been left red faced today as it has been revealed that the whole standard model theory of particle physics is entirely fictional.

For years, billions of pounds have been pumped into state of the art labs to fund so called ‘particle accelerators’ in the hope that the secrets of the big bang are revealed. ‘It’s all complete bollocks,’ admitted moptopped lab boy Brian Cox. ‘What a scam! It’s the greatest joke the science community has ever staged and you all fell for it –suckers.’

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Posted: Aug 31st, 2012
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‘Risk of black hole’ if lack of attention causes Brian Cox’s head to implode

Scientists at CERN have issued a warning of a possible black hole when Brian Cox returns to the site to resume his ’day job’.

‘We’ve noticed a dramatic increase in the matters of Professor Cox’ explained project leader Lyn Evans. ‘His fans feed his ego at an astonishing rate. But if that suddenly stops because he’s doing real science in a lab instead of telly science in the moonlight, there’s a chance of him imploding like a dying star.’

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2012
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Telescopes bought after first series of ‘Stargazing Live’ already back in lofts

With the second series of BBC2′s ‘Stargazing Live’ over, lofts across Britain are once again filling up with the telescopes bought after the first series.

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Posted: Jan 25th, 2012
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Large Hadron Collider finds car keys

also found the lyrics to 'things can only get better' although they were put straight in the binIt cost some £6.2 billion to build, but the Large Hadron Collider may have justified that enormous price tag after it finally located Professor Brian Cox’s lost car keys. The keys were lost by Cox in the 1990s while an undergraduate at the University of Manchester and his 1987 Nissan Micra has remained in an NCP car park ever since.

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Posted: Dec 12th, 2011
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