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Posts Tagged ‘Britain’

Cornwall secedes, calls in Welsh help

Less than 24 hours after being granted UK minority status, Cornish independence party Mebyon Kernow have announced the county has seceded from Great Britain with immediate effect and can now be considered a separate country. Teams of civil engineers and demolition experts began simultaneous action to destroy road and rail bridges and widening the Tamar to place a 300 metre water border between themselves and Devon.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2014
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Britain to swap creepy PE teachers with China

As part of an exchange programme, Shanghai has agreed to import 60 British PE teachers in exchange for 60 of its finest Maths specialists. The Department for Education sees this as a golden opportunity to raise skill levels and teach China some new things.

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Posted: Mar 16th, 2014
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Met Office refuses to apologise for getting forecast right

‘The computer had to go back to Amstrad to have the memory chips upgraded to four megabytes,’ explained the senior officer on duty, ‘so we had to pull out the maps, crayons, seaweed, everything.’

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Posted: Mar 14th, 2014
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Britain an also-ran in World Bigotry Games

Despite some early promise from UKIP MEP Godfrey Bloom on Bongo Bongo land, Britain was comprehensively defeated by host nation Russia’s new swathe of anti-gay laws.

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Posted: Aug 22nd, 2013
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Britain ‘comes out’ as openly racist

Union Jack, made in Indonesia for Christ's sakeIn a move that stunned many of the country’s fans, Britain today issued a formal statement saying it was coming out as openly racist.

Giving his reaction to the UK’s ‘outing’, President Obama simply said: ‘Shit.’

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Posted: May 1st, 2013
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