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Posts Tagged ‘Britain’

Nation decides to have ‘duvet year’

will be up again in time for the OlympicsBritain woke up this morning, opened the curtains, took one look at 2011 and decided to go back to bed for the next 12 months.

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Posted: Jan 1st, 2015
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Dismay as army football match commemorating Christmas truce match ends in punch-up

It was all going so well until it went to penaltiesA football match between the British and German armies, which was organised to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the famous Christmas truce in the trenches in 1914, has sparked a diplomatic incident after ending in a massive brawl.

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Posted: Dec 16th, 2014
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Cameron slams EU diseases as un-British

David Cameron has raised concerns over the quality of EU diseases and called on member states to follow the UK’s lead with such ‘splendid’ infections as whooping cough, chicken pox and scrofula. He singled out syphilis and bubonic plague as ‘shoddy and mean spirited’

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2014
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Falkland Islanders vote to become Caribbean

unanimously rejected Argentine climateIn a surprise outcome to Sunday’s sovereignty referendum, 98% of Falklanders have voted to ditch British nationality and switch allegiance to the sunnier, more laid back Caribbean.

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Posted: Sep 17th, 2014
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‘Death on holiday’ tops list of things no-one has sympathy for

It'll be fine...Summer marks that time of year when British holidaymakers begin their annual cull of the most idiotic by leaping drunkenly from balconies, ignoring ski helmets or combining scuba diving with outboard motors. Those unable to afford such expensive jaunts, naturally, respond with the same levels of commiseration normally reserved for small children banging their heads on tables after being told not to run.

So apathetic are our levels of sympathy for the newly deceased on holiday that one sociologist commentated: ‘Being eaten by wild animals is natural selection for the rich, as a person of average income would never see a polar bear outside of a zoo. For those on a tight budget, they are now equating death on safari with voting for Nick Clegg – something you just brought on yourself.’

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2014
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