Details have emerged from the budget for plans to train ‘dole-scroungers’ in the arts of bushcraft. The scheme, hidden within the reduced budget for the SureStart programme, will see sofa-huggers cast out into the countrified areas of Britain in search of a decent meal.
Posted: Jun 24th, 2010
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After wrestling for weeks with the seemingly intractable detail of Tuesday’s emergency budget, George Osborne says it has now been sorted with a little help from his barber, Anthony.
Posted: Jun 22nd, 2010
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In a radical move to outwit the Tories, Alistair Darling has declared that Labour will not after all be considering any cuts in public expenditure. ‘Instead, I’m increasing expenditure by buying a bucket of sand to put my head in,’ he said in a pre-budget statement.
Posted: Sep 29th, 2009
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As Anglo-Australian conflict over the rightful homeland of the Ashes continues to escalate, the government has been forced to deny claims that it is allowing the Barmy Army to go into the hostilities without the crucial equipment needed to secure an English victory. ‘The Aussies are armed with the very latest trumpets and cutting-edge wigs,’ lamented a sporting warrior known to his comrades as ‘Hughsie’. ‘If we’re to stand any chance against them, the MoD has to address the fancy dress shortages. We’re asking these lads to spend five days at the front line. The least they can do is give our boys the best fighting chants.’
Posted: Aug 22nd, 2009
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