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Posts Tagged ‘budget’

Growth forecast hit by octopus death

Chancellor George Osborne confirmed yesterday that that the death of Paul the Octopus, known for picking world cup winners, caused the treasury to revise growth forecasts downwards by a half of one percent.

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Posted: Mar 24th, 2011
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Mrs N Hubbard of Slough announces her domestic spending review

Domestic Goddess‘On education spending, school uniforms are to be purchased in Tesco and Asda so as to save on costs, and lunches will be made at home.’

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Posted: Oct 22nd, 2010
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Government to encourage poor people to catch their own food

Details have emerged from the budget for plans to train ‘dole-scroungers’ in the arts of bushcraft. The scheme, hidden within the reduced budget for the SureStart programme, will see sofa-huggers cast out into the countrified areas of Britain in search of a decent meal.

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Posted: Jun 24th, 2010
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Osborne finalises emergency budget after World Cup discussion with barber

After wrestling for weeks with the seemingly intractable detail of Tuesday’s emergency budget, George Osborne says it has now been sorted with a little help from his barber, Anthony.

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Posted: Jun 22nd, 2010
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Darling set to unveil ‘something will turn up’ fiscal policy

In a radical move to outwit the Tories, Alistair Darling has declared that Labour will not after all be considering any cuts in public expenditure. ‘Instead, I’m increasing expenditure by buying a bucket of sand to put my head in,’ he said in a pre-budget statement.

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2009
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