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Posts Tagged ‘cancer’

Ebola can cause/cure cancer

Scientists have discovered a correlation between the final stages of the virus ebola and cancer. It is believed that only those with particularly nasty strains of ebola are at risk. Cancer clinics in West Africa are already stretched, and policy makers are suggesting some international aid aimed at fighting ebola should be redirected against the new threat.

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Posted: Sep 26th, 2014
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Food banks launch ‘Someone Elsie’ campaign to boost donations

Food banks throughout the country are encouraging the public to take photographs of strangers who ‘look a bit hungry’ and then post them on Facebook to highlight malnourishment. For each picture posted, it is expected that someone will donate a tin of beans.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2014
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Cancer still fatal despite NHS Facebook page

‘Fatal diseases are still by-passing our leafleting campaigns,’ admitted Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. ‘The NHS leads the world in leafleting and our use of Facebook as a distribution medium is world-class, so the latest figures are particularly disappointing.’

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Posted: Dec 10th, 2013
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Waitrose shoppers’ charity dilemma; Cure cancer or new speedos?

‘I mean, on the one hand you think ‘obviously the swimming club!’ But then, I’ve started hearing some pretty bad stuff about cancer.’

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Posted: Oct 23rd, 2013
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Ed Miliband promises a cap on life expectancy

In an increasingly desperate attempt to prove his credibility with right wing voters, Ed Miliband has promised to limit the lengths that people will go to avoid death.

Buoyed by the recent projected cancer rates, Miliband is convinced that Labour can improve upon the Coalition’s track record of making people ill.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2013
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