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Posts Tagged ‘cancer’

Ed Miliband promises a cap on life expectancy

In an increasingly desperate attempt to prove his credibility with right wing voters, Ed Miliband has promised to limit the lengths that people will go to avoid death.

Buoyed by the recent projected cancer rates, Miliband is convinced that Labour can improve upon the Coalition’s track record of making people ill.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2013
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Government warns ‘lives may be lost’ if Facebook medical advice is ignored

The Department of Health has warned that lives may be at risk due to the large number of people failing to repost medical information posted on Facebook by friends.

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Posted: Apr 3rd, 2013
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Man disappointed as fag packet contains no tumour

‘Imagine my disappointment at finding 20 cigarettes in place of the moist tumour I’d seen advertised on TV,’ said customer Matthew Arlington.

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Posted: Jan 3rd, 2013
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Hypochondriac given six months to live by self

‘When you’ve spent your life battling imagined ill health, you just know when a twinge in your ankle is actually something far more sinister.’

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2011
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Too many health warnings may be bad for you say experts

Healthier not to.Doctors have warned that an extended exposure to health warnings may be detrimental to your health and are calling for a ceiling on the number of medical scare stories to a maximum of 5 per week.

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Posted: Oct 20th, 2011
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