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News In Brief
Paternity leave extended to ‘uncles’
Help-to-Buy to be extended to rail tickets
Banksy-style stencil packs sent up north to narrow housing divide
North Korea ‘deeply insulted’ at not being blamed for ferry disaster
Ed Balls to be questioned over Diana’s death
God does not believe in David Cameron
Grim Reaper traumatised by encounter with David Moyes
Garden snail travels record 31.8 miles by air
Jellyfish now UKs favourite animal says survey
Cardiff complain to League that Palace knew in advance that they were shit
Abu Hamza unable to play hooky in US courtroom
Clark Kent accused of hacking Superman’s voicemail
Pistorius ‘held in contempt’ for rubbish Parker impressions
‘I thought Polonius was an intruder’ Hamlet tells prosecution
Alleged Islamic takeover of schools ‘can’t be worse than Gove’
Man living under a rock ‘bloody tired’ of Royal updates
Simon Cowell’s underpants set to rise 3ft by 2025
‘Dirty’ Fuel needs to be replaced with something ‘less smutty’ – insists UN
NHS resurrection performance slammed
US threatens Russia with more sanctions, starting with the export of Disney films
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