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Posts Tagged ‘Caroline Spelman’

Thames Jubilee Pageant to include celebratory whaling

Heavily armed Prince Philip to ask if whales 'have come far?'Fans of old-time nautical industries are celebrating yet another government U-turn, after Environment Secretary Caroline Spelman caved in to public pressure and announced that the Diamond Jubilee Pageant will include a live demonstration of whale-hunting in the Thames.

‘Tens of thousands of people will be gathered to celebrate the Jubilee along the banks of our brownest river ,’ Spelman said at a hastily-arranged press conference. ‘And now they can cheer all the louder as we turn it a much more patriotic red.’

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Posted: May 31st, 2012
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Italian finance minister to boost market with striptease

BBC business correspondent Richard Stark admitted, ‘I think at this stage it is very difficult for anyone to talk about this without using expressions like ‘pull it off’, ‘single-handedly,’ or ‘at a stroke’, and then sniggering for about twenty minutes.’

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2011
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Tories encourage UK households to feed British birds instead of migrants

‘Our countryside is being flooded by foreign birds coming over here to take advantage of handouts and then flying off back home for the summer. Some of them don’t even use bird baths regularly.’

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Posted: Jul 1st, 2011
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