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Government to issue polar bears to riot police

Under new emergency powers to be revealed in Parliament tomorrow, riot police will be able to deploy a specially trained bear to disperse crowds and maintain public order. Each bear has been given strict instructions to chase arsonists, looters or anyone who just looks a bit tasty. ‘We have been more than patient with these people,’ said Home Secretary Theresa May, ‘releasing a ferocious 1500 lb carnivore into the area is the only language they will understand.’

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Posted: Aug 10th, 2011
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