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Posts Tagged ‘carphone warehouse’

Higher incompetency skills become essential requirement for Dixons Carphone staff

Potential mass protests and strikes may be on the cards for the newly merged Dixons and Carphone Warehouse group. Retail staff members are not happy that the requirements of the job have now ballooned to include being incompetent, unhelpful, clueless, and arrogant on an even bigger range of electronics goods.

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Posted: May 21st, 2014
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Dixons Carphone launch ‘FannyCock’ range

Already weary of dismal stand-up comedians and armchair satirists alike milking ‘dicks on car phone’ jokes, the newly merged Dixons Carphone company has hit back by announcing their new signature range of in-car communications will be branded ‘FannyCock’.

Head of Marketing Theo Holtom proudly said, ‘FannyCock is already a runaway success with pre-orders outstripping capacity, particularly in Thailand and Austria, oddly. We have been asked to bring out a range of phones and tablets for business users so jaded executives can say ‘Ya I’m on the FannyCock today, send me your spreadsheets and I’ll look at them on that’.

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Posted: May 18th, 2014
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Yanukovich emerges from hiding as branch manager of Carphone Warehouse

every sale endorsed by president Putin himselfThe fugitive Ukranian premier Viktor Yanukovych has emerged as the manager of a branch of Carphone Warehouse at the Arndale Centre, Accrington.

Branch salesperson Greg Mottram said ‘I turned up this morning and there was no sign of Debbie, the regular manager, just this Yanukovich bloke. when I asked where Debbie was, I was told she’d been sent into ‘internal exile’. When I asked where to, I was told Rochdale which, you know, is a bit harsh.’

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Posted: Feb 24th, 2014
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