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Posts Tagged ‘Catholic church’

Catholic church running out of horrific things to do

‘We’ve been exposed as brutal, misogynist baby-killing psychopaths, what else can we do short of murdering innocent people in the street?’ said the Archbishop of Dublin.

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Posted: Jun 6th, 2014
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Black smoke from Sistine Chapel suggests cardinals smoking ‘some really strong shit’

chill-out organ music playing in the backgroundPractised observers of the papal conclave, which got underway in Rome yesterday, have described the first black smoke to emerge from the Sistine Chapel chimney as ‘thick, potent, and smelling suspiciously of weed’.

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Posted: Mar 10th, 2014
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Pope groomed by online pontiff-phile who pretended to be God

Benedictum non sanctum‘Every day he would issue me with commandments – though most of them involved me sending him saucy photos – and at the time it all seemed very convincing.’

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Posted: Feb 8th, 2014
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Bishop confuses ‘the crib’ for ‘da crib’

The Vatican have suspended Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst amid fears that he has gone ‘gangsta’ on them. Parishioners attest to hearing the Bishop of Limburg using the ‘n’ word when referring to the Pope, calling his choir boys ‘my bitches’ and ‘bustin out some phat beats’ on the church organ.

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2013
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Catholic Church makes early withdrawal from contraception forum

European leaders have failed to reach agreement on a forum at contraception in the Dutch Capital, Den Haag. The event had a mixed reception from the start and was overshadowed by the Vatican representative’s withdrawal just before the climax, uttering a hurried ‘Sorry, I have to shoot’.

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2013
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