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Posts Tagged ‘Catholic church’

Catholic Church ‘evolving’, admits Pope

God only knows...The Catholic Church is changing in ways that neither he nor God can control, Pope Francis confirmed today in front of a synod of cardinals at an extraordinary general meeting in the Vatican.

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Posted: Oct 6th, 2014
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Catholic church running out of horrific things to do

‘We’ve been exposed as brutal, misogynist baby-killing psychopaths, what else can we do short of murdering innocent people in the street?’ said the Archbishop of Dublin.

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Posted: Jun 6th, 2014
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Black smoke from Sistine Chapel suggests cardinals smoking ‘some really strong shit’

chill-out organ music playing in the backgroundPractised observers of the papal conclave, which got underway in Rome yesterday, have described the first black smoke to emerge from the Sistine Chapel chimney as ‘thick, potent, and smelling suspiciously of weed’.

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Posted: Mar 10th, 2014
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Pope groomed by online pontiff-phile who pretended to be God

Benedictum non sanctum‘Every day he would issue me with commandments – though most of them involved me sending him saucy photos – and at the time it all seemed very convincing.’

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Posted: Feb 8th, 2014
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Bishop confuses ‘the crib’ for ‘da crib’

The Vatican have suspended Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst amid fears that he has gone ‘gangsta’ on them. Parishioners attest to hearing the Bishop of Limburg using the ‘n’ word when referring to the Pope, calling his choir boys ‘my bitches’ and ‘bustin out some phat beats’ on the church organ.

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2013
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