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Posts Tagged ‘Catholic church’

Catholic church running out of horrific things to do

‘We’ve been exposed as brutal, misogynist baby-killing psychopaths, what else can we do short of murdering innocent people in the street?’ said the Archbishop of Dublin.

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Posted: Jun 6th, 2014
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Bishop confuses ‘the crib’ for ‘da crib’

The Vatican have suspended Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst amid fears that he has gone ‘gangsta’ on them. Parishioners attest to hearing the Bishop of Limburg using the ‘n’ word when referring to the Pope, calling his choir boys ‘my bitches’ and ‘bustin out some phat beats’ on the church organ.

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2013
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Catholic Church makes early withdrawal from contraception forum

European leaders have failed to reach agreement on a forum at contraception in the Dutch Capital, Den Haag. The event had a mixed reception from the start and was overshadowed by the Vatican representative’s withdrawal just before the climax, uttering a hurried ‘Sorry, I have to shoot’.

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2013
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Pagans and Druids issue apology to Stonehenge labourers

Britain’s Pagan and Neo-Druidic communities have issued a joint statement finally apologising for the ‘unspeakable suffering and inconvenience’ caused by the building of Stonehenge in the second and third centuries BC.

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Posted: Sep 14th, 2013
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Pope gets bigger oar to stick into Middle East conflict

'Who said the Catholic church was up shit creek without a paddle, eh?'Levels of papal interference in international affairs is set to rise this week, with the unveiling in the Vatican of a bigger, more-eye catching papal oar, shortly to be stuck into the global argument about the Middle East.

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Posted: Sep 6th, 2013
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