The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘Catholics’

Gay Catholics to remain in cages until Pope Francis clarifies stance

Following last month’s three-week Synod, the Pope has still not provided a clear message on the future of Catholic homosexuals, thousands of whom remain locked up inside the Vatican. Conservative bishops continue to assert that God made Adam and Eve and not Adam and Sanjeev – a common Hindi boy’s name missing from the New Testament. A UN resolution to liberate the prisoners through a military invasion has been singlehandedly blocked by Russia, with critics alleging that Vladimir Putin has still not accepted Eurovision 2014 being won by a drag queen.

Pope Francis explained ‘My hands are tied. Each time I say something nice about the gays, a bishop warns me to pipe the fuck down. And the Lord has gone all quiet again, the spineless bastard. Sometimes I have complete doubt whether He even exists. I’ll probably get bollocked for saying that now.’

Read more >

Posted: Nov 7th, 2015
More from Faith

Rabbits ‘have no intention of punching the Pope’

Despite Pope Francis’s provocative insinuation that their mothers breed ‘like Catholics’, a spokes-rabbit has confirmed that modern rabbits are mature and civilised enough to avoid violence. They will instead invite His Holiness to sit down with rabbit representatives and constructively discuss the different approach to birth control by mothers in the two species

Read more >

Posted: Jan 23rd, 2015
More from News In Brief

Pope calls for glorious Cuban revolution

mugs readily availableThe Cubans have a new hero this morning who has given them a new direction, a new philosophy, and a new will to rise up against their political masters and proclaim their rights as individuals in a collective kind of way, as long as it’s OK with him.

Read more >

Posted: Mar 29th, 2012
More from Faith, World News