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Posts Tagged ‘Celebrity’

Vulgaria shocked at Child Catcher abuse allegations

why didn't anyone work it out sooner?Since the sudden death last week of Vulgaria’s much revered celebrity, The Child Catcher (real name Charles Catcher OVE), national mourning has turned to disbelief as newspapers have been inundated with revelations of serial child cruelty, sadism and even abduction.

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Posted: Aug 19th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment, Celebrity



Celebrities to be fitted with cat bells ‘to give kids a chance’

Under new Home Office guidelines, all celebrities are to be surgically fitted with cat bells so that children can hear them approaching.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Des Lynam ‘the only man left you can trust’, confirm Yewtree investigators

shouldn't you be at work?Officers investigating allegations of sexual abuse by notable figures from the 60s and 70s have concluded today that, the only man currently alive that’s ‘completely trustworthy’, is veteran TV and radio presenter, Des Lynam.

‘We investigated Des thoroughly, and amazingly, we found zilch’, said one anonymous Yewtree investigator today. ‘We rummaged through his bins, hacked into his computer and interrogated him in a hot room for six days straight, but the guy’s clean. We didn’t even find any evidence of any suspiciously long hugs. We’re now able to confirm that Des Lynam is currently the only celebrity over sixty still at liberty to appear on TV not wearing a pair of handcuffs with a jacket pulled over his head’.

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Posted: Jun 24th, 2014
More from UK News



TV entertainer announces retirement from sex offending

There were sighs of regret and words of respect in the world of show business today as veteran comedian and presenter Timmy Handley announced his withdrawal from sex offending, after a 55-year career in which he bestrode the field like a colossus.

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Posted: May 11th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Hallmark launch new card range for contrite sex pests

Greetings card manufacturer Hallmark has launched a new range of cards aimed at the remorseful sex offender. The new cards, which Hallmark are calling ‘the post-Savile range’, have been introduced in response to the recent spike in the number of court cases and allegations of sexual misconduct among celebrities.

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Posted: May 6th, 2014
More from News In Brief