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Particle physics ‘all made up’ admit boffins
‘I mean, the names! You fell for all of them: quark and muon came from a drunken game of scrabble’. [read...]
Tagged CERN
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Large Hadron Collider could let foreign particles in, complains Farage
Nigel Farage has slammed the Large Hadron Collider for taking two years off work then coming back online to ‘deliberately introduce dark matter into an already crowded Universe’. The UKIP leader has long highlighted quantum immigration as an ‘explosive issue’ [read...]
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Hotel lighting code finally deciphered
A crack team of mathematicians at CERN has uncovered the long sought-after Universal Theory of Hotel Lighting. “It’s a mathematician’s dream”, said Dr Ernst Jackson of the CERN Rapid Response Mathematics Squad. “Solving the lights in an individual room is trivial. [read...]
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Large Hadron Collider upgrade on hold as six year old girl asks wrong question
Ask a group of children to perform ring-a-ring of roses inside another group performing ring-a-ring of roses the other way and you have the perfect recipe for an afternoon in A&E. Change the children for protons and instead of coughing-up blood and bone, [read...]
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Large Hadron Collider finds car keys
It cost some £6.2 billion to build, but the Large Hadron Collider may have justified that enormous price tag after it finally located Professor Brian Cox’s lost car keys. The keys were lost by Cox in the 1990s while an undergraduate at the University of Manchester and his 1987 Nissan Micra has remained in an NCP car park ever since. [read...]