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Posts Tagged ‘CERN’

Large Hadron Collider could let foreign particles in, complains Farage

looks like a giant arsehole, and so does the LHCNigel Farage has slammed the Large Hadron Collider for taking two years off work then coming back online to ‘deliberately introduce dark matter into an already crowded Universe’. The UKIP leader has long highlighted quantum immigration as an ‘explosive issue’ for the general election.

‘Frankly we just don’t have the infrastructure to assimilate all these new particles’, Farage raged, taking an earnest boggle-eyed bantam stance. ‘It has been openly admitted that we don’t really know where all these ‘exotic particles’ originate and we know far less about their skills and employment records. How do we know that the minute these particles are created, they won’t go straight on benefits?’

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Posted: Apr 8th, 2015
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CERN joins Alton Towers to create ‘Collider’ ride

Up to 500 customers at a time will be contained in special magnetised particle pods, accelerated up to 25,000 miles per hour in a gigantic circular tunnel, then smashed into each other head on to see what happens

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Posted: Apr 7th, 2015
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NASA space probe finds evidence of ‘more bloody stars’

even the spacecraft's had enoughNASA today announced an end to all space exploration after the latest set of photographs taken by its Voyager 1 spacecraft, currently exploring the Kuiper Belt on the very edge of the solar system, showed nothing but a bunch of stars that look virtually indistinguishable from those viewed from Earth.

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Posted: Nov 22nd, 2014
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Particle physics ‘all made up’ admit boffins

what scientists know 'just incredible'‘I mean, the names! You fell for all of them: quark and muon came from a drunken game of scrabble’.

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Posted: Aug 4th, 2014
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Berners-Lee ‘a fake created by publicity-seeking cats’

On the 25th anniversary of the invention of the World Wide Web, its creator ‘Tim Berners-Lee’ has been exposed as a false identity that was actually created by a pack of stray cats scavenging in the bins around the CERN facility in Switzerland.

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Posted: Mar 10th, 2014
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