It’s one of nature’s most closely guarded secrets: what is the precise moment when Dad goes from hero to zero? “It’s like throwing a ball in the air” said Professor Jones of CERN. “It starts off fast, [read...]
‘I mean, the names! You fell for all of them: quark and muon came from a drunken game of scrabble’. [read...]
Nigel Farage has slammed the Large Hadron Collider for taking two years off work then coming back online to ‘deliberately introduce dark matter into an already crowded Universe’. The UKIP leader has long highlighted quantum immigration as an ‘explosive issue’ [read...]
A crack team of mathematicians at CERN has uncovered the long sought-after Universal Theory of Hotel Lighting. “It’s a mathematician’s dream”, said Dr Ernst Jackson of the CERN Rapid Response Mathematics Squad. “Solving the lights in an individual room is trivial. [read...]
Ask a group of children to perform ring-a-ring of roses inside another group performing ring-a-ring of roses the other way and you have the perfect recipe for an afternoon in A&E. Change the children for protons and instead of coughing-up blood and bone, [read...]
