A Cheltenham butcher who has never heard of Higgs Boson is getting on with his life just fine say his friends.
‘Gordon has never heard of it,’ said Luke Church, a friend, ‘but he just goes on living all the same.’
Posted: Oct 12th, 2013
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Scientist at the CERN Laboratory were forced to admit yesterday that the Christmas Collider Fun Day, giving lab workers a ‘bonus massive sub-atomic collision between any two things they bring into work’, had unintentionally impacted on the real world.
Posted: Dec 13th, 2012
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Scientists everywhere have been left red faced today as it has been revealed that the whole standard model theory of particle physics is entirely fictional.
For years, billions of pounds have been pumped into state of the art labs to fund so called ‘particle accelerators’ in the hope that the secrets of the big bang are revealed. ‘It’s all complete bollocks,’ admitted moptopped lab boy Brian Cox. ‘What a scam! It’s the greatest joke the science community has ever staged and you all fell for it –suckers.’
Posted: Aug 31st, 2012
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‘We knew one banker, somewhere, must have had a pang of guilt at least once,’ declared an exhausted and delighted spokesman.
Posted: Jul 4th, 2012
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‘We were a bit surprised to find we’d topped six hundred million miles an hour, especially as the speedo only goes up to one hundred and twenty, but we put it down to the new go-faster stripes I’d got fitted that morning.’
Posted: Feb 23rd, 2012
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