“It was a mistake while they were here on a team-building exercise. As it turns out, they were already on a collision course, we just had to speed them up a little.”
Posted: Sep 30th, 2011
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CERN spokesman Otto Heinkelman confirmed that a neutrino had travelled from Switzerland to Italy at faster than the speed of light, apparently to escape the ennui.
Posted: Sep 24th, 2011
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Britain’s rail operators, the entire scientific community and 1,439 passengers were in shock today as First Capital Connect published tentative proof of their Brighton to Bedford service arriving at London Bridge 20 seconds before it was meant to.
Posted: Sep 23rd, 2011
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Boffins at the Royal Observatory at Greenwich have revealed that they have never actually been able to get atomic clocks to work properly and have, for the last thirty years, been taking the standard for world time from the bowel movements of Billericay resident, James Watson.
Posted: Sep 18th, 2011
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Scientists studying anti-matter in CERN have revealed that they have captured the illusive subtance – using the lullaby-voiced former synth-rave keyboardist Brian Cox. ‘We first noticed the unusual power of Brian’s voice when we were wooshing some atoms around in our big tunnel’, explained Dr Ian Broudie, former front man with the Lightning Seeds and professor of Really Hard Maths.
Posted: Jun 10th, 2011
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