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Posts Tagged ‘CERN’

Man who has never even heard of Higgs Boson seems to be doing OK

A Cheltenham butcher who has never heard of Higgs Boson is getting on with his life just fine say his friends.

‘Gordon has never heard of it,’ said Luke Church, a friend, ‘but he just goes on living all the same.’

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Posted: Oct 12th, 2013
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CERN Scientists confirm ‘Christmas Collider Fun Day’ rumours

Scientist at the CERN Laboratory were forced to admit yesterday that the Christmas Collider Fun Day, giving lab workers a ‘bonus massive sub-atomic collision between any two things they bring into work’, had unintentionally impacted on the real world.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2012
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Scientists hail first sighting of elusive bankers’ morals

physicists allowing themselves an extra scotch egg for lunch, as a bonus‘We knew one banker, somewhere, must have had a pang of guilt at least once,’ declared an exhausted and delighted spokesman.

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Posted: Jul 4th, 2012
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Faster-than-light Nissan Micra ‘may have been down to timing fault’

they've got some canny ideas aboot Einsteinian Relativistic fizix‘We were a bit surprised to find we’d topped six hundred million miles an hour, especially as the speedo only goes up to one hundred and twenty, but we put it down to the new go-faster stripes I’d got fitted that morning.’

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2012
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‘Risk of black hole’ if lack of attention causes Brian Cox’s head to implode

Scientists at CERN have issued a warning of a possible black hole when Brian Cox returns to the site to resume his ’day job’.

‘We’ve noticed a dramatic increase in the matters of Professor Cox’ explained project leader Lyn Evans. ‘His fans feed his ego at an astonishing rate. But if that suddenly stops because he’s doing real science in a lab instead of telly science in the moonlight, there’s a chance of him imploding like a dying star.’

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2012
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