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Posts Tagged ‘CERN’

Faster-than-light Nissan Micra ‘may have been down to timing fault’

they've got some canny ideas aboot Einsteinian Relativistic fizix‘We were a bit surprised to find we’d topped six hundred million miles an hour, especially as the speedo only goes up to one hundred and twenty, but we put it down to the new go-faster stripes I’d got fitted that morning.’

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2012
More from Science/Technology



‘Risk of black hole’ if lack of attention causes Brian Cox’s head to implode

Scientists at CERN have issued a warning of a possible black hole when Brian Cox returns to the site to resume his ’day job’.

‘We’ve noticed a dramatic increase in the matters of Professor Cox’ explained project leader Lyn Evans. ‘His fans feed his ego at an astonishing rate. But if that suddenly stops because he’s doing real science in a lab instead of telly science in the moonlight, there’s a chance of him imploding like a dying star.’

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2012
More from News In Brief



Large Hadron Collider finds car keys

also found the lyrics to 'things can only get better' although they were put straight in the binIt cost some £6.2 billion to build, but the Large Hadron Collider may have justified that enormous price tag after it finally located Professor Brian Cox’s lost car keys. The keys were lost by Cox in the 1990s while an undergraduate at the University of Manchester and his 1987 Nissan Micra has remained in an NCP car park ever since.

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Posted: Dec 12th, 2011
More from Science/Technology



Desperate scientists resort to putting up hundreds of ‘missing particle’ posters

Scientists desperate to be reunited with a missing particle have resorted to leaving posters on every lamp-post in their local area. The particle, thought to answer to the name Higgs Boson, has been missing for some time now and there are fears it may never be found.

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Posted: Dec 9th, 2011
More from News In Brief



Scientists discover ‘anti-policy’ particles by smashing Milibands together

“It was a mistake while they were here on a team-building exercise. As it turns out, they were already on a collision course, we just had to speed them up a little.”

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2011
More from News In Brief