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Posts Tagged ‘CERN’

NASA space probe finds evidence of ‘more bloody stars’

even the spacecraft's had enough‘We’re on this planet and there are stars in every direction for millions and millions of miles’, said a NASA spokesman. ‘Who really cares?’

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Posted: Nov 22nd, 2010
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Near miss as Large Hadron Collider discovers ‘Son of God’ particle

‘It’s not quite the God particle we’ve been looking for, ‘said Professor Mann, head of the Atlas Project at CERN, ‘but it’s a miracle nonetheless.’

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Posted: Mar 31st, 2010
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Hadron Collider faces closure after child traps Higgs Boson in jam jar

Henry Brown, a six year old primary school pupil from Devon is the toast of his school after trapping an elusive Higgs Boson particle in a jam jar during morning playtime today, earning him the Nobel prize for physics in the process.

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Posted: Mar 10th, 2010
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Large Hadron Collider stolen by joyriders

Charged with breaking the laws of physicsYouths drove the Collider around in a 27km circle of chaos, pulling handbrake turns and firing off protons at close to the speed of light.

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Posted: Nov 17th, 2009
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Scientists curse luck after discovering parallel universe ‘even duller than our own’

every bit as dull as the one you're already in

After the initial euphoria of finally proving the existence of parallel universes, scientists at CERN, the world’s largest particle physics laboratory, were today beginning to voice open disappointment that the alternative reality they had discovered was merely a slightly less exciting version of their own. The decades of talk about wanting to understand the mysteries of the wave-particle duality and instigating a ‘once-in-a-century paradigm shift’ have been quickly forgotten as scientists struggle to come to terms with the inexplicable absence of jet-packs and sexier, ‘evil-twin’ versions of themselves.

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Posted: May 21st, 2009
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