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Posts Tagged ‘Channel tunnel’

SAS controversy continues over plans to replace selection march with IKEA trolley dash

Government plans to reform SAS recruitment procedure have run into a hail of criticism. It is understood that applicants will be asked to travel through the channel tunnel in under 48 hours, and buy and assemble an entire IKEA kitchen without either also buying a pack of tealights, or having a cup of tea – a suggestion which had drawn fire from human rights groups.

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Posted: Aug 10th, 2015
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Refugee nearly managed to cancel Sky

A spokesman for Sky said ‘This was an extremely rare event; and we have put in place many security measures, including trip wires, air tight doors and automatically extending contracts.

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Posted: Aug 7th, 2015
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Channel Tunnel NOT a gateway to Narnia

And anyway, Aslan's been shot by a dentistThe Ministry of Defence has been forced to release a blanket denial that Calais’ entrance to the UK is the portal to a fantasy kingdom of bounteous social benefits and friendly characters from classic British fiction. Sadly, immigrants have been flooding into the area under this mistaken belief that they will get to meet Aslan, hobbits and the cast of ‘Glee’.

Nightly, hundreds of desperate stowaways risk their lives to get a peek of the animals of Farthing Wood who they believe are waiting at the other end. One migrant admitted: ‘The UK is the land of milk and honey – resting on the backs of four huge elephants and one enormous space turtle. And where else can you claim child benefit for dependents living outside the UK, while at the same time sending you other kids to Hogwarts?’

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Posted: Jul 31st, 2015
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New Channel Tunnel back to North Africa unveiled

That'll sort itAfter months of top-secret excavation work, the results of a major Anglo-French construction project have been unveiled today: a brand-new extension of the Channel Tunnel that will take would-be migrants from Calais straight back to a currently undisclosed location in North Africa.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2015
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UKIP Councillors bid to fill channel tunnel with concrete

At its first meeting since the recent election when UKIP won 17 of its seats, Kent County Council today put to tender an order for 102 million cubic metres of concrete which will be used on the front line in the fight against immigration by filling up the channel tunnel.

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Posted: May 9th, 2013
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