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Posts Tagged ‘Cheryl Cole’

‘Ebola’ bookies favourite to win Britain’s Got Talent

a new superstar to consume the public's hearts and mindsThe odds of a non-UK resident winning series eight of the ever popular talent show have dramatically shortened today, with the late entry of an outbreak of virulent hemorrhagic fever from Guinea.

Seen as ‘more photogenic than SuBo’, the virus promises to be just as ‘virulent as Diversity’, as ‘deadly as Paul Potts’ and guaranteed to cause ‘more internal bleeding’ than Jai McDowall’s last album. The 2012 BGT tour was axed due to low ticket sales, but EBOV is committed to ‘filling emergency rooms up and down the land’.

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2014
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Griffin admits BNP ‘divided over Rihanna’

political agenda swayed by cute tartan skirt dress thingNick Griffin, the leader of the British National Party has admitted that the party is ‘deeply divided’ and ‘in crisis’ following a meeting with members to decide the party’s official policy towards Barbadian pop star Rihanna Fenty.

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2013
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Al-Qaeda postpones terror campaign until end of Strictly and X-Factor

bombing Dusseldorf to wait until Anne's danced the rumbaAl-Qaeda is struggling to secure sufficient numbers of bombers during the current series of Strictly Come Dancing and X-Factor.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2013
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Battered Philippines ‘grateful’ for Dimbleby tattoo

Typhoon survivors were given some respite today, when the UK’s media redirected their focus on a more newsworthy topic. As one orphan put it: ‘It helps put the loss of over 10,000 lives in perspective, knowing that David Dimbleby was able to ‘man up”.

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Posted: Nov 12th, 2013
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Simon Cowell’s new show to find official ‘Best Thing Since Sliced Bread’

now looking for a profitable topping Simon Cowell today announced that his latest ITV talent show will for the first time feature inanimate as well as animate objects as he invites the public to vote for the official best thing since sliced bread.

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Posted: Oct 3rd, 2012
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