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Posts Tagged ‘Chilcot Inquiry’

Ghost of Robin Cook to appear before Iraq Inquiry

Dr. Kelly might pop over as well, maybe next weekThe former Foreign Secretary, who died in 2005, will give evidence at a special evening séance of the Chilcot Committee via television psychic, Derek Acorah. ‘I am delighted to be helping Robin give evidence to the Inquiry,’ said Acorah, ‘I have been practising his voice and I have even grown a little pointy beard for the occasion.’

The séance, held in conjunction with Living TV’s Most Haunted, will be conducted in candlelight using the traditional round table format, billowing curtains and ouija board – a method previously employed by the intelligence services to establish whether Iraq was harbouring WMDs.

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Posted: Oct 25th, 2015
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‘Ye olde Chilcotte Reporte on ye Hundrede Years War’ finally published

A medieval scribe known as Johannes of Chilcotte is thought to be the author of a crucial historical document that has recently come to light.

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Posted: Aug 25th, 2015
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Chilcot ‘far too ill to attend Inquiry’ say lawyers

Lawyers acting on behalf of Sir John Chilcot have today stated that Sir John is ‘far too ill’ to attend the Inquiry to present his findings. Sir John is said to be suffering from a severe form of ‘Procrastination Syndrome’ and his lawyers say that it would be ‘barbaric and inhumane’ to expect him to attend.

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Posted: Aug 16th, 2015
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Page 3 to feature extracts from Chilcot inquiry

'Actually, string 'em up,' says Rupert, 83In a surprise U-turn, The Sun has renewed its commitment to publishing salacious images that may cause offence to decent people everywhere, including Tony Blair and George W. Bush in a series of compromising positions with Weapons of Mass Destruction. Editor David Dinsmore explained: ‘Figuratively speaking Blair and Bush were the biggest pair of tits we could find. And there are plenty more breast-related puns where that one came from, oh yes. Just keep counting.’

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Posted: Jan 23rd, 2015
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Chilcot inquiry delayed until after Wimbledon

Sir John Chilcot has written to David Cameron to confirm that the findings of his inquiry into the Iraq war will not be published until at least after this year’s Wimbledon. In the letter Chilcot stated that publication of the report was taking longer than expected due to ‘Christmas and all that’, then the looming prospect of a skiing holiday in Klosters.

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Posted: Jan 21st, 2015
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