Parents have been warned that impressionable children may be watching a Conservative minister ‘with bulging eyes and huge beak-like mouth’. Alarmist details of the lack of Brexit planning, can lead to suicidal thoughts or panic buying of baked beans. [read...]
Nigel Adamson, 15, left his parents’ house to go ‘out’ yesterday, leaving them with the impression that he would be back ‘later’ after he had done ‘stuff’ with ‘friends’. [read...]
The President’s controversial policy of separating migrant children from their parents and keeping them in cages, has been fully supported by the mixed martial-arts fraternity and the makers of galvanised chain-link fencing. The hope is that these children will grow up with the requisite skills of a cage fighter; [read...]
‘Easily distracted, poor concentration and short attention spans’, is how a 4 year-old child has described his parents, regarding the provision of bedtime reading at their Surrey home. Pre-school nipper Jack Poulter has requested an OFSTED inspection to assess the quality of service and to determine if Nanny and Grandad should be appointed. [read...]
Trampolines in gardens across the land are to resume their usual roles as lawn-knackerers and collectors of shite from tomorrow, it has been confirmed. The news comes after the ten-foot wide monstrosities enjoyed three days of being bounced upon by happy children during the unseasonably hot weather. [read...]
