0
Teenager goes ‘Out’ to do ‘Stuff’, reports claim
Nigel Adamson, 15, left his parents’ house to go ‘out’ yesterday, leaving them with the impression that he would be back ‘later’ after he had done ‘stuff’ with ‘friends’. [read...]
Tagged children
0
Trump hoping to train a new generation of cage fighters
The President’s controversial policy of separating migrant children from their parents and keeping them in cages, has been fully supported by the mixed martial-arts fraternity and the makers of galvanised chain-link fencing. The hope is that these children will grow up with the requisite skills of a cage fighter; [read...]
0
Child demands OFSTED visit as bedtime reading consistently fails to hit targets
‘Easily distracted, poor concentration and short attention spans’, is how a 4 year-old child has described his parents, regarding the provision of bedtime reading at their Surrey home. Pre-school nipper Jack Poulter has requested an OFSTED inspection to assess the quality of service and to determine if Nanny and Grandad should be appointed. [read...]
0
Trampolines resume non-bouncing duties
Trampolines in gardens across the land are to resume their usual roles as lawn-knackerers and collectors of shite from tomorrow, it has been confirmed. The news comes after the ten-foot wide monstrosities enjoyed three days of being bounced upon by happy children during the unseasonably hot weather. [read...]
0
Oversubscribed Middlesbrough school credits ‘satisfactory’ Ofsted report
The report singled out ‘variable’ standards of teaching and ‘low-level’ task setting – marked improvements on the previous ratings of ‘woeful’ and ‘non-existent’. [read...]