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Posts Tagged ‘children’

Six year-old maths whizz demands greater transparency on household finances

Henry Willis, a 6 year-old pupil at Tunbridge Primary in Kent, has become increasingly agitated about his long-term financial security. In a heated discussion with parents, Geoff and Lynn, about family net worth, he was infuriated to learn that additional savings were not being offset to generate lower mortgage interest repayments. After unearthing a significant number of poor financial decisions, he has insisted that all future investment strategies are to be signed off by him.

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Posted: Oct 29th, 2015
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Father discovers hallway closed for two months for Summer Playtime

After a council of 8 year olds voted to spend the summer playing at Martin’s house, Martin’s dad Pete has been informed his hallway will be out of action for the next two months.

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Posted: Jul 17th, 2015
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Social workers to be fast-tracked to a nervous breakdown

best to get it over with quickly, says governmentStudents will be air-dropped, naked, into the most challenging urban areas in the country

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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Tooth fairy moving onto kidneys

pound left under dialysis machineWith half of the UK’s eight-year-olds suffering from tooth decay, all gossamer-winged withdrawals will now focus on harvesting undamaged organs. Children can now expect to wake with significant surgical scarring in the abdominal area, problems filtering urine and a pound coin under their pillow ‘for their troubles’.

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Posted: Mar 19th, 2015
More from Health

France to be sent to bed early

The Council of Europe has taken draconian measures to deal with France’s failure to play by the rules regarding corporal punishment, after it emerged that 90% of French parents have at some point smacked their children. France is to be in bed by 9 o’clock this evening and will not be allowed to watch television, go on Facebook or attend sex parties.

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Posted: Mar 5th, 2015
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