Following the birth of his sixth child, Jacob Rees-Mogg has been placed in a breeding programme to help repopulate Britain with a new generation of Conservatives. Tory insiders fear that Britain’s young voters are excitedly swinging to the left and decided that some social engineering will be needed if the government is to continue not… [read...]
Britain’s educational system has slipped to 78th in the world for colouring in, as parents increasingly ignore rules imposing a blanket ban on holidays during term time. Crayon sales are down by 60% since the late 1970s and some 11-year-olds are entering senior school unable to avoid going over the lines. [read...]
The BMA has urged parents to introduce peanuts to their children as early as at four months old ‘to see if they develop hives and puke themselves into a coma’, insisting that the full anaphylactic shock result could ‘save thousands in unnecessary child care costs.’ [read...]
Almost 30 years since they were released from prison police have warned the public that the St Winifred’s School Choir may be planning a follow up to their 1980 novelty Christmas number one ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’. [read...]
Nigel Adamson, 15, left his parents’ house to go ‘out’ yesterday, leaving them with the impression that he would be back ‘later’ after he had done ‘stuff’ with ‘friends’. [read...]
