NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘children’

Tooth fairy moving onto kidneys

pound left under dialysis machineWith half of the UK’s eight-year-olds suffering from tooth decay, all gossamer-winged withdrawals will now focus on harvesting undamaged organs. Children can now expect to wake with significant surgical scarring in the abdominal area, problems filtering urine and a pound coin under their pillow ‘for their troubles’.

Read more >

Posted: Mar 19th, 2015
More from Health



France to be sent to bed early

The Council of Europe has taken draconian measures to deal with France’s failure to play by the rules regarding corporal punishment, after it emerged that 90% of French parents have at some point smacked their children. France is to be in bed by 9 o’clock this evening and will not be allowed to watch television, go on Facebook or attend sex parties.

Read more >

Posted: Mar 5th, 2015
More from News In Brief



Playground in crisis as game of ‘It’ declared void by schoolboy who ‘wasn’t ready’

A school playground was plunged into confusion yesterday when a seven-year old boy demanded that a game of ‘It’ be restarted because he was not ready.

Read more >

Posted: Feb 4th, 2015
More from From The Archives



Lib Dems to eliminate main cause of childhood illiteracy – stupid children

another vote winner!In a bold statement of intent, Liberal Democratic Party leader Nick Clegg has set out his kid-free vision of the future. With a clear manifesto commitment, the Liberal Democrats expect to put an end to small people saying ‘I’m bored’ or ‘It’s not fair’ and monopolising all the jelly. By 2025, the Lib Dems have also promised to eradicate nose-picking in public.

A party spokeswoman explained: ‘We are not going to euthanise the grammatically challenged kiddie-winks as such. That would be cruel and, more to the point, time-consuming. We are just going to reclassify them as ‘stupid very young adults’. As such, they will be legally entitled to vote Liberal Democrat.’

Read more >

Posted: Jan 20th, 2015
More from Education



Petrol stations stock up ahead of ‘last minute dad shopping’

she's simply going to love itStocking up on Peppa Pig merchandise

Read more >

Posted: Dec 16th, 2014
More from From The Archives