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Posts Tagged ‘China’

US officials manage to keep a straight face whilst accusing China of data theft

In a show of unprecedented hypocrisy, the USA is to charge Chinese military officials with stealing data. The US, who probably have someone looking at you through your window right now, are appalled at the audacity of a secretive, government-sponsored agency eavesdropping on their information.

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Posted: May 21st, 2014
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UKIP to outsource policy-making to China

it was always in the manifesto if you'd only bothered to read it‘Keeping policy making in the UK has been verging on impossible for some time now – we had become lazy and simply couldn’t come up with anything new’.

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Posted: May 11th, 2014
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Hollywood to make Chinese Heywood murder movie ‘as soon as someone figures out what the hell went on’

most of the action takes place in BournemouthBrad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Danny Davito and Ewan McGregor are all slated for major roles in a Hollywood blockbuster retelling the story of Neil Heywood’s murder in China, with filming due to start in Pinewood and Chongqing as soon as someone can come up with a suitably implausible script.

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2014
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Britain to swap creepy PE teachers with China

As part of an exchange programme, Shanghai has agreed to import 60 British PE teachers in exchange for 60 of its finest Maths specialists. The Department for Education sees this as a golden opportunity to raise skill levels and teach China some new things.

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Posted: Mar 16th, 2014
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Kim Jong-un single-handedly saves planet from rogue asteroid

no other person on the planet could have pulled it offThe reason for North Korea’s nuclear test earlier this week became clear today as state television in Pyongyang announced that Dear Leader Kim Jong-un had personally used the weapons to deflect an asteroid which, contrary to vicious Western propaganda, would otherwise have hit the Earth.

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Posted: Mar 1st, 2014
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