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Posts Tagged ‘China’

Hollywood to make Chinese Heywood murder movie ‘as soon as someone figures out what the hell went on’

most of the action takes place in BournemouthBrad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Danny Davito and Ewan McGregor are all slated for major roles in a Hollywood blockbuster retelling the story of Neil Heywood’s murder in China, with filming due to start in Pinewood and Chongqing as soon as someone can come up with a suitably implausible script.

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2014
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Britain to swap creepy PE teachers with China

As part of an exchange programme, Shanghai has agreed to import 60 British PE teachers in exchange for 60 of its finest Maths specialists. The Department for Education sees this as a golden opportunity to raise skill levels and teach China some new things.

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Posted: Mar 16th, 2014
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Kim Jong-un single-handedly saves planet from rogue asteroid

no other person on the planet could have pulled it offThe reason for North Korea’s nuclear test earlier this week became clear today as state television in Pyongyang announced that Dear Leader Kim Jong-un had personally used the weapons to deflect an asteroid which, contrary to vicious Western propaganda, would otherwise have hit the Earth.

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Posted: Mar 1st, 2014
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Chinese lunar rover finds no evidence of American moon landings

masters of the universeA report from the Chinese state news agency Xinhua has confirmed that China’s mission to the moon hasn’t found a single scrap of evidence that Americans were ever there.

Photographs of the lunar surface taken while the ‘Jade Rabbit’ probe was in orbit and further investigations on the ground have now been analysed and show that areas where US landings were thought to have taken place reveal a surface untouched by man, and no sign of any golf activity whatsoever.

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Posted: Dec 19th, 2013
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Nixon’s ghost ‘still banging on about China’, reveals Frost’s ghost

In his first journalistic foray since unexpectedly passing away on a cruise ship last week, Sir David questioned Nixon’s spirit during a four-hour exchange, nearly forty years after they first met in California.

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Posted: Sep 7th, 2013
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