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Posts Tagged ‘christmas presents’

‘All I want for Christmas is my two big boobs’ say UK’s 9 year old girls

Er...Girls in the 8-10 demographic have stated that what Santa must bring them this Noël is a pair of perfectly-formed, fully-grown breasts.

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Posted: Sep 3rd, 2013
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Golfers unite on Christmas anti-Ryder Cup DVD plea

Golfers across the UK have formed an alliance to dissuade unsuspecting relatives from buying them ‘The Ryder Cup 2012 DVD’ after concluding that it was quite good when it happened but they don’t want to watch all that turgid crap again, especially when it’s pissing down and the course is flooded.’

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Posted: Dec 10th, 2012
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Christian festival to be moved to avoid clash with Christmas

Satanic market forces at work‘In hindsight choosing 25th December was a mistake. We thought it would be a great time to have the festival – practically everyone’s off work for Christmas and the schools are closed. But in reality people are far too busy eating too much, getting pissed, trying to cop off at office parties and watching the My Family Christmas special.’

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Posted: Dec 8th, 2011
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Hounslow man sees trampoline gift for kids as sound investment

‘I just need to film two amusing accidents and get them shown on You’ve Been Framed, then it’s paid for itself.’

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Posted: Dec 31st, 2010
More from News In Brief



Child outraged as parents fail to buy him any Xmas presents for seventh year running

parents 'just a pair of stingy bastards'Seven-year-old Josh Cooper was ‘angry, yet not altogether surprised’ yesterday when once again his parents failed to buy him a single Christmas present.

‘If it wasn’t for the XBox Kinect, Iron Man toys and new bike from Santa, it would not have been a very merry Christmas at all’.

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Posted: Dec 25th, 2010
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