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Posts Tagged ‘christmas presents’

Children to resume being little shits again

Since mid-December, children have being making an effort to be slightly less obnoxious than usual in the hope that Santa will forget what they’ve been like for the rest of the year. But since the appearance of overpriced tat wrapped in shiny paper, such concerns have been abandoned.

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Posted: Dec 25th, 2014
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‘All I want for Christmas is my two big boobs’ say UK’s 9 year old girls

Er...Girls in the 8-10 demographic have stated that what Santa must bring them this Noël is a pair of perfectly-formed, fully-grown breasts.

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Posted: Sep 3rd, 2013
More from Lifestyle

Golfers unite on Christmas anti-Ryder Cup DVD plea

Golfers across the UK have formed an alliance to dissuade unsuspecting relatives from buying them ‘The Ryder Cup 2012 DVD’ after concluding that it was quite good when it happened but they don’t want to watch all that turgid crap again, especially when it’s pissing down and the course is flooded.’

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Posted: Dec 10th, 2012
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Christian festival to be moved to avoid clash with Christmas

Satanic market forces at work‘In hindsight choosing 25th December was a mistake. We thought it would be a great time to have the festival – practically everyone’s off work for Christmas and the schools are closed. But in reality people are far too busy eating too much, getting pissed, trying to cop off at office parties and watching the My Family Christmas special.’

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Posted: Dec 8th, 2011
More from Faith

Hounslow man sees trampoline gift for kids as sound investment

‘I just need to film two amusing accidents and get them shown on You’ve Been Framed, then it’s paid for itself.’

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Posted: Dec 31st, 2010
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